That bright blue exterior and cute orange beak are hiding something mischievous, I just know it!
You are so helpful during the day. You keep time and buzz faithfully when I need to take something out of the oven or to alert me that my tea is done steeping. Those little feet remain perched on the ledge like you have no care in the world.
But I see a bird with plenty of shenanigans up his feathers. When you’re in the glow of the oven light, those big eyes hint at your true character. You sit there, small and unassuming all day long. Then, when the house is empty, I bet you leave your post.
Do you hide my forks? Do you flirt with my salt shaker? (She is a lovely gold owl, indeed). May I suggest that you do the dishes or make the bed? Before you protest, let me remind you that the birds in Cinderella did so with a joyful tune.
Whatever you’re up to, just know that I’m on to you. Cuteness won’t cover your bird-business much longer…
Waiting is wretched. I get it. I’ve waited for a lot of things. Many of them had to do with guys – or lack thereof.
I waited for someone to ask me to dance at 8th grade promotion. I waited with baited breath for my 7-year crush to IM me. I waited for a date to Homecoming. I waited for tryout results. I waited for a guy to seem interested. I waited for a date to Prom. I waited for a boyfriend.
Many of those things never materialized. Actually, most of those things never happened. That crush did IM me and I did make some teams, but I didn’t get asked to any dances and I spent 24 years boyfriendless.
Those times of waiting with no results were a major knock to my womanly pride. I cried. I filled pages in my journal with prayers and pleas and pain.
Before you feel sorry for my dateless, crushless high school existence, let me say that God absolutely knew what He was doing when He withheld what I wanted and waited for.
I made sincere commitments about purity and set high standards. In my naiveté, I didn’t realize how small I was making my pool of acceptable guys. My infatuations were far from meeting my requirements (yup, I had a written list and highly recommend doing so!).
While I spent mental and emotional energy trying to 1. smoosh my current crush into the box created by my standards, 2. manipulate circumstances to fit my personal agenda, or 3. figure out why none of it was working out, God was perfectly orchestrating His plan like only a master conductor could.
God was using the absence of what I desired to mold me more into the Godly woman I also wanted to become. He arranged my romantic life in a way that guarded my convictions and boundaries, when I probably wasn’t willing to guard them myself.
Your romantic situation, or lack thereof, may seem depressing. You may wonder if a guy will ever like you. You may be dating up a storm, but, for what purpose?
Wherever you’re at on the spectrum, waiting isn’t a bad thing. Waiting gives God control. Waiting says God can pick the timing. God’s timing will be different for everyone. Waiting is hard, but don’t let the difficulty of waiting distract you from pursuing God whole heartedly.
Like I mentioned before with Dear JAG, this is NOT a cute way to announce that I’m pregnant. I just have some thoughts for my future daughter.
Here’s to hoping you are as chubby as I was. I love baby rolls!
Dear AJG,
If the thought of your brother terrified and thrilled me, I have no idea how to explain how I feel when I think of you, my sweet one.
My heart trembles at the privilege of raising a little girl to become a woman after God’s own heart. How do I communicate what a precious jewel you are in God’s sight, as well as mine? How do I help you understand that you are loved, valued, and adored by an earthly family and a heavenly family? How will I ever let go when I want to hold you close forever?
I know the trials and turmoil that come with being a woman (in any season), trying to follow Christ. I know how difficult it is to ignore all the worldly voices and listen to God. I know how easy it is to place your value in corruptible things and how vastly empty and dangerous those things are to your spirit.
My heart aches for the first time you experience those hardships. Everything in me wants to take all of the hurt and pain and tough decisions away, to carry your burdens for you. But, pressing stronger than my urge to shelter you from suffering is my desire to see you take solace in our Savior.
Your Abba is the source of comfort, love, dignity, and strength. He, alone, gives you eternal value. I pray that His truth is imprinted on your heart, mind, and soul. I pray for peace to surround your heart, for gratitude to be ever on your lips, and for joy to spring up like a well inside your soul.
Your Grammy is a fantastic example of what a mom should be. She has pointed me to Christ in all manner of circumstances. She models a heart that yearns to know God more intimately. I can’t wait to share my mom with you!
I can only hope that God will reveal Himself in my imperfect, broken, fumbling attempts at motherhood. I hope that you see God’s redemptive power in my life, a life with which you are so intimately intertwined.
And what I really want you to know – like deep down in your soul, at the core of your being – is that you are a beautiful creation, an exquisite masterpiece, loved imperfectly by me and loved perfectly by an adoring Father.
You have served me well the past 25 years. From the time you were covered in rolls of baby fat, to the years you were constantly bruised and scraped from pep flag practice, you have proven your resilience.
Now, all of your combined six-feet of length must not fail me today. I know you aren’t rippling with muscles or as toned as you could be, but I’ve put you through enough training that this race you are about to run shouldn’t phase you.
I’m not unrealistic – a 10K will stretch your running capacity. You’ve never run that far before. Fear not – I have faith in you. I am optimistic that after a mile or two, you will hit your stride. You might even enjoy the whole event.
I appreciate all that you have done thus far. I don’t always treat you well. I should stretch more often. Really, stretching at all would be good…
Please hold out until 10 o’clock this morning. Then, we can celebrate together. I may even give you a break.
At least for a day or two.
Sincerely,
Emily
UPDATE: My legs did not give out and Tim and I finished the 10k!
You can find all my letters here.
Emily C Gardner 