My blogging buddy Kayse had her sweet baby boy a few days ago. She planned ahead and scheduled guest posts, with the theme of gratitude, for the month of November so she could fully recover and enjoy her little Nathan. I’ve collaborated with Kayse before (How To Maintain A High Maintenance Marriage) and am glad to be over in her neck of the interwebs again today.
This time around, I’m writing about motherhood, not marriage.
You can read my guest post about struggling to accept God’s pregnancy plans for our family here. I promise it does stick with the gratitude theme…
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I’m a newer contributor to Embracing Marriage, but I have enjoyed being part of the community developing on the Embracing sites.
My post today is all about being weird – embracing who God made you to be, especially in the context of a marriage relationship. You can read the post (and all about some of my quirks) here.
Like I mentioned before with Dear JAG, this is NOT a cute way to announce that I’m pregnant. I just have some thoughts for my future daughter.
Here’s to hoping you are as chubby as I was. I love baby rolls!
Dear AJG,
If the thought of your brother terrified and thrilled me, I have no idea how to explain how I feel when I think of you, my sweet one.
My heart trembles at the privilege of raising a little girl to become a woman after God’s own heart. How do I communicate what a precious jewel you are in God’s sight, as well as mine? How do I help you understand that you are loved, valued, and adored by an earthly family and a heavenly family? How will I ever let go when I want to hold you close forever?
I know the trials and turmoil that come with being a woman (in any season), trying to follow Christ. I know how difficult it is to ignore all the worldly voices and listen to God. I know how easy it is to place your value in corruptible things and how vastly empty and dangerous those things are to your spirit.
My heart aches for the first time you experience those hardships. Everything in me wants to take all of the hurt and pain and tough decisions away, to carry your burdens for you. But, pressing stronger than my urge to shelter you from suffering is my desire to see you take solace in our Savior.
Your Abba is the source of comfort, love, dignity, and strength. He, alone, gives you eternal value. I pray that His truth is imprinted on your heart, mind, and soul. I pray for peace to surround your heart, for gratitude to be ever on your lips, and for joy to spring up like a well inside your soul.
Your Grammy is a fantastic example of what a mom should be. She has pointed me to Christ in all manner of circumstances. She models a heart that yearns to know God more intimately. I can’t wait to share my mom with you!
I can only hope that God will reveal Himself in my imperfect, broken, fumbling attempts at motherhood. I hope that you see God’s redemptive power in my life, a life with which you are so intimately intertwined.
And what I really want you to know – like deep down in your soul, at the core of your being – is that you are a beautiful creation, an exquisite masterpiece, loved imperfectly by me and loved perfectly by an adoring Father.
DISCLAIMER: In an effort to not falsely excite my family, let me just clarify that this letter is not some creative way of announcing my pregnancy. I am NOT pregnant. If all goes according to plan (which it usually doesn’t when God’s in control…), there won’t be some cutesy pregnancy reveal for a couple years.
Also, in my future perfect thinking, this little guy would precede a baby sister. I have an amazing older brother, thus I am fairly prejudice towards that sibling situation. So, when I talk about our family unit, that’s what i’m picturing, though I will be thrilled with whatever gender order our little Gardners come in.
I do hope Baby J looks something like this…
Baby Tim
My dear little J,
I am both terrified and thrilled beyond imagination at the thought of you. I don’t know why God intrusts such beautiful, fragile beings to such broken people. Since God gives us the gift of life, He must equip us with the tools to protect it, therefore, I trust He has given provided us all that we need to love and care for your sweet self.
I can’t wait to stroke your fuzzy little head, nuzzle your soft neck, and just enjoy all of your baby-ness. I’m amazed that two people could create a person so marvelous and intricate. Know that I am in awe of your mere presence in our lives and pray for your already.
My prayers for you are often pleas for shelter from hurt, protection from evil, defense against wrong-doing. I realize those are enabling prayers. I most certainly want to shield you from harm, but I realize that is impossible and what I really want is for you to know where to turn when bad things happen. I want you to intimately know your Shelter from the storm, your Protector, your Defender. My precious J, you have a Father who loves you even more than is humanly possible. As you grow, cling to Him.
It will be a great joy to see you grow. If you’re anything like your dad, you’ll enjoy Legos and preaching to stuffed animals. You’ll probably enjoy making music too, and with any luck, you’ll inherit your dad’s singing ability not mine. We’d love you even if you did get my (un)tunefulness, though.
There’s a sappy, but true, quote that says “Don’t marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him.” You know what, J? You can’t be exactly like your dad – that would be a bit weird – but you have an amazing model of a Godly man in your life. Not everyone has that gift. Take note of his caring spirit and soft heart. He is full of integrity and quiet strength.
Both your dad and Uncle Tim are great examples of what manliness is all about. Take note of their sensitivity. Little J, it’s okay to cry, to empathize and have compassion. Take note of how they treat women. Little J, it’s important to respect, esteem, and protect women. Take note of their relationship with family. Little J, be kind to your sister. She will be one of your biggest fans and greatest allies.
Though these are scattered thoughts to you, my beautiful boy, know that my feelings toward you will never be scattered. My love is unconditional. It pains me to know that I will fail. I will not be the perfect mom. But you have an Abba that IS perfect and won’t ever fail. I can rest well knowing that you were made in His image and held in His hands.
This time around, I’m writing about motherhood, not marriage.
I’m a newer contributor to Embracing Marriage, but I have enjoyed being part of the community developing on the Embracing sites.
Emily C Gardner 