Dear Paul {31 Days of Letters}

Dear Paul,

You have given voice to the battles raging in my heart, mind, and soul.

For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate; that I do…For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. {Romans 7: 15 & 19}

I cannot think of a better description of the internal dialogue I have with myself daily. Righteous Emily (am I ever?), who seeks God, does good, and surrenders everything to her Savior is at constant war with Carnal Emily, who is sold to sin and fleshly desires.

They volley back and forth, trying to convince plain old Emily to take action, using two very different methods. I try to stay balanced on this narrow path of life with both these voices making compelling arguments. Righteous Emily urges me to keep walking this primitive road; Carnal Emily promises shortcuts at every bump and turn in the road.

I must look rather funny to passers-by. If I’m not zig-zagging with indecision as I move forward, I’m probably standing still with confusion as I listen to each voice pulling me in opposite directions.

You seem to know exactly what I’m talking about. You said it yourself:

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. {Romans 7:18}

The internal combat makes me tired. I’m frustrated when I fail, when I listen to the wrong voice. I hate that I make poor decisions and give in to my carnal side. But, you speak words of hope to my heart. In the midst of your own struggle against the flesh, you sought freedom in Christ.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law for the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin. {Romans 8:1-3}

Truth has never been so full of light and beauty, mercy and grace, redemption and promise.

Your honesty is encouragement wrapped in a present I am eager to receive.