Defining roles and goals for 2014

Defining roles and goals (1)

This post contains affiliate links. Read my full disclosure here.

I read Amy Lynn Andrews’ time management e-book, Tell Your Time, back in December (my review). I’m a sucker for anything related to organizing (even organizing your life), so I enjoyed reading about how she makes the most of her time; but, the thing I liked most about her book was the process by which she narrows down her daily activities. Amy starts broad by defining roles and slowly refines each role until she has simple action steps.

In thinking through the coming year, I decided Amy’s approach would be a great way to process how I plan to use my time in 2014. Especially with a new addition to the family, I want to be focused and intentional about what I choose to do each day.

annie dillardThis is what I came up with for the coming year:

1. Roles: who am I?

Self: I loved the main principle of Brian Berry’s book As For Me and My Crazy House which boils down to – the best gift you can give your community and ministry is a healthy family; the best thing you can give your family is a healthy marriage; and the best thing you can give your marriage is a healthy self. For that reason, I need to be diligent about self-care, for the sake of my other relationships and roles.

Wife: I want my marriage to thrive. I want to continue to embrace and engage my relationship with Tim on every level.

Mother: The newest and most scary role for me.

Family Member (daughter, sister, grand-daughter, etc): Mine happens to be spread out across the country, so maintaining these relationships (which are really important to me) take time and effort.

Home Manager: Tim is a fantastic co-manager, but because I don’t work outside the home I have more time to devote to this role. I could probably get a bit OCD about managing our home, but my main focus needs to be creating a happy, healthy atmosphere for my family.

Writer/Blogger: Writing is a passion and a way to process – an absolute must in my life. My blog is the main expression of this role.

2. Goals: what kind of {insert role} do I want to be?

Self: Authentic, discerning, grace-filled, intentional, representative of Christ.

Wife: An attentive and encouraging friend who is respectful and supportive of Tim’s whole self.

Mother: Present. Intentional. Encouraging. I want my child(ren) to know and love God. If they became readers, that would be great, too :)

Family Member: Loving, available, and communicative.

Home Manager: I want our home to be a haven for family and friends. I’d like to give up perfection in favor of being present with those I love. Good steward of our resources.

Writer/Blogger: Consistent. Authentic. Stretched. Growing.

3. The plan: what can I do as a {insert role here} that will move me toward being more {insert adjectives from above}?  These are my goals fleshed out – the action steps I will take to achieve my goals in the short and long-term.

UPDATE 1/13/14: I thought of two other goals! Self: explore the Enneagram. Mother: Figure out a good system to document Baby James’ life (Project Life? Blurb books?).

Self:

  • Daily time with Jesus – Bible reading and journaling.
  • Regular exercise – not quite sure what this will look like with a newborn, but I’d like to start running again and taking classes at the gym.
  • Sleep – my whole family will suffer unless this is a priority, which means napping when James naps even if there’s dirty dishes or laundry to do.
  • Reading – not quantifying this one because I know having a baby will affect my time to do this, but I’m hoping an eventual feeding rhythm will allow for solid reading time.
  • Service – at church and in our community.

Wife:

  • Daily one-on-one time – when James is sleeping/occupied so I’m not distracted.
  • Monthly date-night – get out of the house!

Mother:

  • Prayer is the major specific action step I can think of because Tim and I are new to this parenting business. We’re going to need tons of grace and patience.
  • Breastfeeding – very much wanting this to be successful but knowing it’s a process.
  • Reading out loud – even if he just likes the pictures at this point.

Family Member:

  • Consistent email updates – to keep family posted on what’s new with the Gardner three.

Home Manager:

  • Finish unpacking – um, we’ve lived in our house for 8 months and there are still unpacked boxes (mostly decor and books).
  • Cull excess – unpacking is a great opportunity to sift through unnecessary stuff.
  • Purge and revamp wardrobe – I can’t tell you how excited I am to do this! I’ll save the details for another post.
  • Meal plan – to promote healthy eating and a stress-free dinner time.
  • Pay bills immediately – so they don’t clutter the kitchen counter.
  • Daily house de-clutter – so it doesn’t become a big project once a week.

Writer/Blogger:

Of course, the next step would be to put these things into actual time slots. The type-A in me is all over that, but the grace-filled, realistic Emily knows I have no idea what life with a baby is going to look like, so I should just keep these goals in mind as Tim and I dive into this new adventure.

What are some roles and goals you have for 2014?

When You Don’t Give God Enough Time

When You don't...A mouse who likes cookies. And milk. And needs a haircut after checking his whiskers in the mirror for a milk mustache… I can relate. 1. I like cookies. and milk. 2. My choices – even the simple ones, like getting a glass of milk to go with a cookie – create a snowball effect that sometimes we don’t mean to create.

When you give a mouse a cookie…

That mouse’s story has been on my mind a lot lately. He goes on a wild journey, dragging his patient friend with him, all because he wanted milk with his cookie. I have gone on many a wild journey all because of a simple choice, and they haven’t all been joyful journeys.

Last Winter was one of those not-so-pleasant journeys. Tim and I were new to life in Idaho and I wasn’t adjusting well. I struggled to find community, to adjust to a new culture, and to embrace all four seasons. When Winter hit, I felt cold inside and out.  I was anxious and grumpy. I was overly sensitive and competitive. I was negative and critical. I thought I did a pretty good job of keeping the worst of those feeling inside, but looking back I can see those emotions manifested quite clearly in my actions and attitudes.

Tim received the brunt of my failure to adjust. I cringe remembering how sour I was last year and how many opportunities to be a supportive and caring wife I missed while I pouted and complained. On top of that, I missed out on opportunity after opportunity to do something about the things I was unhappy about because I was too busy being selfish.

I wasn’t pleased with God’s plan for me; so I did my best to adjust on my own terms and it wasn’t working. at. all.

When you don’t give God enough time…

I like immediate solutions. I’m more likely to send up a prayer for help while I’m in the midst of trying to straighten out my own path than I am to slow down and ask God for direction before I start moving and shaking.

Now that I have a year of perspective on last Winter and my failure to adjust, I realize how much of my struggle was wrapped up in impatience. I wanted instant results. When I didn’t make bosom buddies right away, when I didn’t love Idaho immediately, when I didn’t feel connected at our church, I felt disappointed and irritated. If God was going to pull me from family, friends, community, and a location that I loved, why wasn’t He providing for my needs in our new environment?

If I was offered cookies, shouldn’t milk be offered, too?

I was blinded by my own timeline. I gave God a small window to show up with milk and when it didn’t happen, I gave up. I didn’t give God enough time and my new little family reaped the consequences.

A year after the cookies, I’m just beginning to sip the milk. God IS faithful to provide for our needs, but He does it on His timeline. And He does it in ways that don’t always match up with how we expected. [pullquote position=”right”]If I learned anything during the past year it’s that God changes hearts but He doesn’t change them without permission. [/pullquote]

Adjusting to anything is a process. Even with God’s hand guiding you it can be painful, but it’s certainly less painful when you aren’t resisting and ornery. Had I stepped back and allowed God to do His thing with a yielded and patient heart, I would have saved myself and those around me a lot of grief.

Sure, I definitely still miss the things we left behind, but I didn’t give God enough time to heal my heart in a healthy way, to be what I needed in that adjustment. And When you don’t give God enough time…

photo credit: _ALVARO! via photopin cc

Well-Loved in 2013

There’s no other way to put it… 2013 was a big year. Here’s a brief 2013 wrap-up for the blog and daily life.

{The Blog}

The most views: The 5 Essential Earrings Every Girl Should Own
earrings The top five recipes: Top 5 Recipes in 2013

The most well-loved posts:

Well-loved posts

Thank you for reading, subscribing, commenting, and encouraging me! What would you like to see more of in 2014?

{Daily Life}

2013 threw a lot of travel and transition our way:

Travel

  • I went to Boston, Chicago, and Orlando for work.
  • We had a weekend away in Montana (almost didn’t count this since it’s just two hours away)
  • Tim and I made two trips to California together – once to see family and once to attend The Gathering (and see family and celebrate our first anniversary).
  • I made a solo trip to California to visit friends.
  • We spent a weekend in Kansas City to attend my cousin’s wedding.
  • I visited my parents in New York twice – once for a retreat, and once with Tim for vacation.

Transition

The biggest/craziest/weirdest thing for me about 2013 was the fact that I was pregnant for the majority of the year – definitely not what I was expecting 2013 to hold!

What I’m Into – December 2013

Linking up with Leigh for the last What I’m Into of the year! I’ve so enjoyed sharing my favorites with you.

Our December was busy in the beginning and then rather quiet. Tim and I had a restful Christmas, just the two of us, though I must say it didn’t really feel like Christmas. Here’s some of the goodness from this month:

(This post contains affiliate links. Read my full disclosure here.)

Good Eats

Good Things 

Incidentally, the first three are things I got for Christmas and now totally love. What’s dangerous is that I discovered they were all available on Amazon – way too easy to replenish!

good things

FarmHouse Fresh Fluffy Bunny Shea Butter Hand Cream – The scent alone, a mellow lavender and vanilla hybrid, would have had me hooked, but then the feel and the name and the packaging…

Caldrea Sea Salt Neroli Dish Soap – Fancy dish soap makes a daily chore so much more enjoyable. Being from Southern California, I particularly love the beachy, sea-air smell.

Fashionable {cleaning} Gloves – I mentioned last round of What I’m Into that I started to do the dishes with rubber gloves. Well, my classic yellow pair got a hole in the thumb and I was just about to buy another pair when I got these from my mom (paired with the lovely Caldrea dish soap). They are thick, latex-free, and have a nice soft lining. Plus, the white is trés chic. PLUS, my mom dolled them up by sewing a band of vinyl lace shelf trim to the cuff.

Gadanke journals – I adore Katie’s story-catching vision. Her journals are the perfect, manageable project.

Good Reads

I’ve been finishing up some books so I can claim them on my Read in 2013 list. I named my favorites in yesterday’s post.

2013 in Books

Book wrap-up

The list of books I read in 2013 that I have assembled in my head seems a bit more impressive than the actual list of books I read this year. Maybe that’s because seven of the thirty-nine were re-reads of the Harry Potter series, which I enjoyed digesting while food didn’t sound good during my first trimester. It could also be that when I look back over the books I read in 2013, I’m also looking back at the amount of time I was watching Frasier, White Collar, and Friends instead of reading. Or maybe it’s just that I have a whole passel of amazing books still in my to-read queue.

Regardless, this year has been a great year for books. I’m linking up with Sarah, Anne, and Haley with this unorganized post about the books I read this year. (This post contains affiliate links. See my full disclosure here.)

Fun Facts

  • 19 non-fiction, 20 fiction
  • 28 different authors, 23 of whom I hadn’t read books by before this year
  • I used Goodreads faithfully all year (thanks to the recommendation of the lovely Lindsay.)
  • I also compiled a list of life-changing books.
  • I started participating in Twitterature (short, casual book reviews with a link-up hosted by Modern Mrs. Darcy)! You can find my Twitterature posts for the books I read in 2013 here.

My Favorite Books of 2013 (that I read in 2013, not necessarily published in 2013)

Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist

A beautiful memoir of food, family, and friendship. Her prose are effortless, the themes are relevant, and the recipes are delicious. I loved everything about this book. I loved this book so much, I geekily wrote an expanded discussion guide for the book. You can find them here: Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Adam: God’s Beloved by Henri Nouwen

I’m always immensely challenged by Nouwen’s words and this was no exception. Adam rocked my worldview.  I won’t ever look at physical, mental, or emotional disabilities the same. Nouwen’s heartfelt tribute to a dear friend is poignant, playing on themes from previous works like Life of The Beloved.

Quiet by Susan Cain

Quiet was insightful on so many levels. As an introvert, I learned much about myself and how I interact with others. But, Cain makes it clear that her book is less about one personality type overpowering the other and more about empowering people to be comfortable in their personality skin. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, the content of Quiet forces you to take a closer look at yourself and those around you. (Also $2.99 on Amazon right now!)

My Hands Came Away Red by Lisa McKay

An extreme but realistic look at what could happen on a third-world mission trip from the perspective of 18 year old Cori. I appreciated the not-so-perfect ending. Plus, the teen romance factor wasn’t cloying or annoying. I was totally immersed and engaged.

Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman

Hard to pick between this one and A Million Little Ways, but GGG was just so pertinent to who I am. I need a constant reminder to let go and let God. I heard her message to come out from hiding behind girl-made masks loud and clear.

There’s a couple more, like The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp and Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt (full review here) that are on my favorites list, but five seemed like such a nice number to highlight.

I would also like to mention two note-worthy authors that I read for the first time this year: Tessa Afshar and Alison Strobel.

  • Tessa Afshar – I already wrote a whole post about her and her books, so I will keep this brief… She writes wonderful Christian fiction and her three books were some of my favorite this year.
  • Alison StrobelComposing Amelia and Reinventing Rachel were good books, but what I really appreciate about Alison is how she portrays the typical Christian perspective. I found myself rolling my eyes at some of the cultural Christian responses of her main characters before pausing to examine if my own responses to life ever appear that way to others. She also doesn’t shy away from gritty topics like mental illness and addiction, which I like especially from a youth worker perspective.

 What were your favorite books of 2013? What should be on my 2014 to-read list?