Category: Motherhood

An Interview with Trina Holden (and a giveaway!)

~ Emily ~ 11 Comments

Trina Holden is infectious. She has a free spirit that draws you in and a grounded wisdom that makes you want to stay. I intermet (can I coin that phrase?) Trina in 2012 when I became a fellow contributor for Kindred Grace, and narrowly missed meeting her in real life when she moved from my parent’s neck of the woods to Alabama. She is an inspiring author and blogger who has graciously allowed me to pick her heart about some themes from her most recent release, Embracing Beauty.

If you read my review, you’ll know that Embracing Beauty has been both challenging and life-giving in my own journey to embrace my God-given body and beauty. I hope Trina’s words, in her book and in this interview, encourage and exhort you as much as they did me.

an interview with Trina Holden

I asked Trina to weigh in on her writing journey for this book, so before we get to my specific questions, here’s more on the process behind the pages.

Trina Holden: My first few years of motherhood were severely style deprived. (We won’t even talk about the years before that!) Around year 4, the Lord started to work in my heart addressing some deeply rooted lies about my worth and revealing a clearer picture of my identity in Him. The freedom I found during this season allowed me to branch out in every area of my life, including my wardrobe, which led me to finally having some success in the area of dressing myself well.

It was actually friends on my Facebook page who suggested my next book be about dressing well in the season of motherhood because they apparently thought I was good at that. Because I never saw myself as a fashion blogger, or imagined I would write a book about beauty, I felt like the nudge to write the book was actually from God. I started to collect notes and a few blog posts I’d written on the topic, I realized this was a subject I was, in fact, passionate about enough to write an entire book.

I began the process in November, 2012 and hit a wall around January 2013. This is when I got to the end of what I’d planned to write about but had a feeling the book was not complete yet. I felt the Lord directing me to dive more deeply into the ‘why’ behind the process of embracing beauty. I felt called to answer questions I didn’t know the answers to, so I spent a lot of time studying Scripture, praying, and begging friends to pray for me as I wrestled to put into words why it was even worthwhile to mentor mothers toward style. The Lord met me as I put my fingers to the keyboard, and I still say, He wrote the first 3 chapters of the book.

Finally, it was done. Not perfect, but it was my best. (That’s an important lesson I’ve learned with self publishing…if you wait till it’s perfect, it’ll never happen. Instead, put forth your best effort and trust the rest to God.) My husband designed my cover as he did my last book, formatted it, and finally hit ‘publish’. The book has been gratefully received by a small group of friends, and that has been a delight. But I have a growing conviction that the main reason God had me write the book was for my own heart.

This book has inspired me and held me accountable to embracing beauty in my own life for the 9 months of carrying my 4th child, and now 5 months postpartum. I feel like I would have thrown in the towel on embracing beauty in this last year if it weren’t for the fact that I wrote a whole book about it! This book is a printed testimony–an altar of remembrance–that reminds me of a time God called me, met me, changed me, and gave me the gift of beauty in a season I wasn’t expecting it.

ECG: In chapter 1, you mention several purposes for beauty. Which has been the most challenging for you to adopt and live out?

Beauty as worship is still rather mind blowing to me. I pursued beauty for so many lesser reasons and with such earthly motives. But realizing that I can worship God even in what I clothe myself in, and in my attitude toward my outward appearance? It both overwhelms and excites me.

What does taking time to care for yourself look like on a daily basis?

My number one rule of self care right now is making sleep a priority. No amount of makeup or cute clothes can help me if I look like a corpse from sleep deprivation. In this season, making sleep a priority means I have very little time to myself, and I am not as productive, but it also means I start the day with a refreshed countenance, and that is huge. I can leave the house without make up if I have had enough sleep!

I thrift shop about once a month, and ONLY buy an item if I love it. That way my wardrobe, though small, is all favorites.

And–I groom my massive eyebrows during bath time. There you have it: the beauty routine of a SAHM of 4 small children.

How do you (personally) maintain balance between focus on personal appearance and the Biblical perspective on beauty?

I see my outward appearance as a way I can bless those around me. When I veer off from seeking to bless to seeking to impress, that’s when I know I need to go back to Scripture to refocus.When I remember my identity as beloved daughter of the King, it takes so much pressure of to make sure my appearance is ‘perfectly fashionable and trim’. Instead I can relax into the body, face, and season He’s given me, and celebrate whatever beauty I have in front of me.

Have your beauty/style strategies changed over the course of having your children? Can you tell the difference in your attitude with your first pregnancy and this last one?

I’ve changed so much! During my first pregnancy I was so motivated by fear that people would think I had no clue how to dress my pregnant body. I was also always trying to look as skinny as possible even when my body was anything but. In my last pregnancy I was able to embrace my width knowing it was a season, and just enjoy finding things that were comfy and my favorite color. Oh, and I embraced drape. First pregnancy I wore cotton blouses. Oh my word, those make you look twice as big as you are! Last pregnancy? I didn’t buy anything unless is draped or flowed. Maxi skirts and knit or bias-cut tops. I felt elegant and thinner even though I gained 20 more pounds than my first pregnancy!

I often experience culture’s definition of beauty as a weight and a burden. What’s the best way to combat that burden when you aren’t even close to fitting that definition?

Ignore that definition. Realize it truly is a mirage. Every body that’s touted as ‘perfect’ has had plastic surgery. My body is normal, my body is amazing in that it has carried 4 other humans, and my body is preforming and looking exactly as my artistic God planned it to. Who am I to resent the way He designed my body to change during motherhood, when each of the changes is purposeful in order to nourish another life well? There are days I rest in that, there are days (yesterday, in fact) when I have to preach to myself. Either way, this is fact: My body is beautifully designed by a God who loves me no matter how much I weigh.

What would you say to a woman just beginning the process of embracing beauty?

Exactly that–it’s a process. Celebrate each time you experience the success of a good hair day or an outfit combination you love. Know that dressing yourself well and true to who you are is an art form, and a skill not mastered in a month or even a year. Celebrate that fact that even if your outfit flopped, or you didn’t lose your baby weight as fast as you wanted, it has no bearing on your true worth. There’s skin deep beauty, and heart beauty, and the one who doesn’t let the former define her will radiate the latter.

Trina is giving away an ebook copy of Embracing Beauty! How do you choose to embrace beauty? Comment on this post to enter the Embracing Beauty giveaway. Winner will be selected on Wednesday, April 11th.


Trina Holden

Trina is a wife and mother to four, balancing her passions for writing, homeschooling, and community whilst settling into her new habitat in Alabama! She’s author of three books: More Than Numbers (a free ebook!), Real {Fast} Food and Embracing Beauty. You can find her blogging at TrinaHolden.com.

Embracing Beauty {a review}

~ Emily ~ 1 Comment

Embracing Beauty - a review

When Trina Holden‘s book, Embracing Beauty, debuted, I wasn’t a mom. I wasn’t even considering becoming a mom. A few short months later I was surprised by a positive pregnancy test. How quickly circumstances change. At the same time my belly was blossoming with new life, my heart was quickly wilting over my changing shape.

The weeks until James’ birth turned into single digits and I found myself mired deep in the negative self talk and depression about my body that had followed me around most of my pregnancy.  I’m not new to body image issues and pregnancy had maximized my struggles. My mind kept drifting to Trina and the book I hadn’t read because I thought it wouldn’t apply to my life.

I wasn’t necessarily in the market for style advice, but the title – Embracing Beauty – gave me a glimmer of hope that this fellow momma might have a ladder long enough to reach me at the bottom of my body image pit.

Curled on the couch, with my belly bulging between my knees and my iPad, I read straight through Embracing Beauty in one sitting. The cold Winter weather outside was no match for the warmth of Trina’s wisdom and insight about God’s design for beauty. The first third of the book was indeed the ladder I needed to start my journey to embracing beauty.  As a bonus, I picked up some stellar style tips along the way.

We are to accept God’s definition of beauty and walk in it, with our head held high and a smile on our face. And when others notice us, it will be for the love that accents every angle— confidence in God’s love for us and a selfless love for others because we are no longer consumed with the effort of bolstering our own worth with what we wear.

Trina Holden in Embracing Beauty

The journey has had its set backs. What I thought was the hardest thing about pregnancy is turning out to be one of the hardest things about post-pregnancy, too. I am easily side tracked by the world’s definition of beauty. But, beauty, like fashion, comes in all different shapes, sizes and styles. It isn’t confined to the cover of a magazine. Beauty can be found in extra pounds, puffy eyes, and busy days. My focus shouldn’t be on getting back to my pre-pregnancy physique but on allowing my body and style to be a reflection of God’s beautiful creation.

Let’s embrace today’s beauty by clothing ourselves with the truth of His unconditional love for us.

Trina Holden in Embracing Beauty

Trina’s advice on style is helpful and inspiring regardless of your season in life and, most importantly, she speaks the truth about beauty for every woman. Embracing Beauty has a message I will return to again and again.

Come back on Friday to read my interview with Trina and enter to win a copy of her wonderful book!

 

 

when your mom goes back home

~ Emily ~ 2 Comments

Wednesday was a tough day. A rather silent trip to the airport ended my mom’s two month stay in Coeur d’Alene. Her presence for the birth of James was so special and her companionship and help during the subsequent weeks was a huge blessing to our new family of three. Though I’m feeling a bit bereft in the wake of her absence, her departure has made me realize a few important things – permit me to share some conclusions?

  • There’s nothing like having your own children to make you appreciate your mom. I’ve never been short on appreciation for my momma, but being a mom now makes me marvel at mine. I find it difficult to squeeze in a daily shower, but she was a working, single mom for six years and did both with aplomb! She was/is a an abundant source of love and encouragement, which was so evident in her joyful service to us as we welcomed James into our lives. I hope to model that same attitude for my own little family.
  • Raising children should be a community effort.  We live in an individualistic society that puts so much emphasis on being self-sufficient and independent. That attitude can stifle our ability to ask for help. As parents, we have the weight of responsibility for bringing up our children, and that’s a tough job! We need to feel free to admit we struggle and need others to share that responsibility sometimes. It’s not a sign of weakness to accept support from others, it’s a sign of wisdom.

weakness vs. wisdom

  • Community has to be intentional. This has been the most consistent lesson I’ve learned in my twenties. Community takes effort and it doesn’t happen overnight. The daily companionship my mom provided was priceless. Now it’s time to start developing more of those types of relationships with people who are here all year around because there’s no sense in being a martyr about a lack of community (which I am all to apt to do). In all my years I’ve never actively pursued community and come up empty. Chances are there are other mom’s in your same situation, wonderful older women who want to love on you, and new friends to be made if you just put yourself out there. I need to take my own advice…
  • Parenthood is another opportunity to leave and cleave. I’m super tight with my family so the initial leaving and cleaving when I got married was a bit difficult. Had God not put 2,500 miles between us, I would probably still have cleaving issues. Having a child requires a different type of leaving and cleaving. Tim and I are growing and stretching as a couple to accommodate our new addition. Our family has expanded and that requires a regrouping of sorts. I’m no longer just someone’s baby – I have one! Though I will always be my mom’s baby, I’ve added mother to my own identity and that changes the dynamics of our relationship.
  • In all things, there needs to be a sense of gratitude. I could spend way too much time bemoaning the fact that my mom is gone or that the transition is difficult, but that detracts from the joy of the past two months. What a gift! I would hate to diminish it by focusing on the negatives.

The Art of BEING

~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

Some women embrace motherhood. Others are embraced by motherhood. But either way, it changes all of us in ways we never expected.

Kristen Welch in Rhinestone Jesus

The art of being

When Your Internal Processor is Sleep Deprived

One very difficult aspect of life with a baby is not operating on full cylinders. Sleep is in short supply, making your body tired and your mind weary. I could deal with the physical ramifications alright if only my brain would function properly. For an internal processor, lack of sleep means less energy to, you guessed it, process!

When my processing is truncated, my hormonally driven mood swings are magnified in an unflattering manner. If something tousles with my routine or my ability to care for James, I can’t properly think things through. I don’t have time to journal about it (because, really, my extra time should be spent sleeping), and I don’t have the mental wherewithal to sort it out while I’m on the go before it effects my relationships and attitude. If I choose to think or journal instead of sleep, my family suffers at the hand of a mom short on patience and a wife short on warmth and grace.

Being Over Doing

Part of the problem is my inability, or unwillingness, to just BE in this season. And not be something I’ve concocted out of unrealistic expectations. I haven’t been allowing myself to just be, for better or worse, in the imperfections of this stage of my life.

I’ve expected myself to be a well rested, well processed person again and I’m finding that close to impossible. Maybe if I weren’t also expecting myself to remain well read, well nourished, and well exercised (for the sake of parallelism, we’re going to let that one slide…). Those things take a kind of effort that I am short on right now. I am constantly striving, stretching, and pushing to meet those expectations that I’ve missed the sitting with this season – the being.

Why struggle when I could just BE – be a mom who lets go of guilt and unreasonable expectations. Who is reconciled to having an unmade bed. Who goes for a 15 minute walk around the block instead of getting to the gym every day. Who is okay with being 10 pounds heavier than she would like instead of constantly hungry and sore. Who is fine with being a consumer of blogs instead of a producer. Who is okay with being behind on her reading list because she read five board books in a row. Who is okay with being unshowered and sloppy in order to catch a few winkies with the baby. Who is okay with being attentive to God’s presence in the everyday instead of forcing a traditional quiet time. Who is okay with being in-process instead of processed.

I want to be a mom who is finding joy in just BEING a mom.

 

Embracing The New Normal

~ Emily ~ 8 Comments

Just over five weeks ago, a miracle happened. A new life entered the world with gusty cries and flailing arms. I gave birth to a pint-sized person who forever changed my life on that day. Our family is now one person bigger. Our room sleeps three instead of two. Our bodies produced another body who is now flesh and blood among us. And like with any other extraordinary occurrence, the wake of this miracle has changed more than just the physical. I have a new role, new responsibilities, and a new routine.

I have a new normal.

embracing the new normal

My house is in constant need of picking up. I’m still wearing my maternity jeans. My mom makes most every meal. I have to be careful about bouncing too much during Zumba or I just may wet my pants a little. My hair sees more spit-up than shampoo. I cry for joy at the thought of 3 hours straight of sleep. My thoughts are barely coherent and they most certainly don’t get written down in my journal.

But, ever since that miracle happened, the one so full of hope and joy, I’ve been striving to get back to the old normal. I strive like there’s some magical moment when life will return to its usual stride. I strive like after a certain amount of weeks James will just be an add on to the old normal. In the old normal, I could keep my house clean and have dinner on the table when Tim got home from work. I fit into skinny jeans that didn’t have an elastic waist band. In the old normal, I could jog a 5K without feeling like I got run over by a semi truck the next day. I had time to process, journal, and share regularly in this space. While I’m sure some of those old normal habits will return in time, I’m not sure making that my goal is wise.

Specific goals get in the way of healthy adjustment. They can take the focus away from progress and place it on results. Adjusting to motherhood isn’t some black and white event with a definite beginning and end. It’s all a messy, grey process. I can’t just arrive at adjustment like my little one arrived in the world – hard and fast with a wail and one final push. I need to define my new normal by how I engage the process instead of the outcome.

So, I walked a 5K at the gym. I napped instead of vacuuming because I’m a better mom and wife when I get enough sleep. I read a board book instead of a novel. I haven’t started a strict diet so my body makes enough milk.

I’m participating in the process of my new normal. I don’t want to miss out on the nuances of this season because I was consumed with the past. I don’t want to fight the changes involved with motherhood, this miracle.