What I Learned In My First 2 Weeks With A Newborn

James is here! Today was his actual due date, but he came two weeks early. I have enjoyed having 14 extra days of baby snuggles, however, the learning curve with a newborn is steep. Even though the past two weeks have been full of joy, they have also been full of adjustment for our little family of three. Here are some notable takeaways from our first two weeks with a newborn.

9 lessons learned with a newborn

  • I see a couple Bible stories in a whole new light. Much of my pregnancy hormones (I’ll talk about those later) have channeled themselves into anxiety and fear. I was virtually paralyzed putting him in his cradle the first night Tim and I were alone with James. Was he still breathing? What if he choked and we didn’t hear? You get the idea… My mom reminded me that [pullquote position=”right”]God has a special place in his heart for moms and all our emotional nuances[/pullquote]. On the cross, Jesus took specific care of His own mother. He know’s our worries and instead of dismissing or discounting them, he empathizes and pays particular attention to our needs.
  • I also have a new found respect and awe of Abraham’s faith when he took Isaac up to the altar, knife in hand. I love Jesus, but I’d be hard pressed to do anything to harm James, even if God asked me to. Wow, Abraham for trusting that God had a bigger plan. Wow, God for sacrificing His own son on our behalf.
  • People say it all the time, but it’s true – you don’t know how much you will love your baby until they are in your arms for the first time. The depth of love I feel for James is overwhelming.
  • Hormones are a raging bull. (I had originally chosen a more choice B word, but bull works.) I have cried almost every day – when putting James in the cradle for the first time, looking down at his sweet face while I was feeding him, laying down to sleep, in the doctor’s office, watching American Idol… My Tim is such a patient man. (You know it’s true love when your husband holds you until you have snotted and sputtered and turned puffy and red as you blurp out all your fears and failures.) Don’t let the bull freak you out. Hormones are inevitable. Since you can’t beat them, you might as well run with them.
  • Fear is my worst enemy. Specifically, fear of SIDs or some other deadly thing. And it’s very counterproductive. [pullquote]I firmly believe that God is in control and when we open our hands and intrust those we care about so deeply to our Heavenly Father, we acknowledge that His ways are above our own[/pullquote] – sometimes resulting in painful, grievous circumstances. I praise God for our little James and have come to rest in the truth that we are both eternal. If we were separated on this Earth, we would be united again. That’s pretty much what makes me able to sleep (haha!) at night.
  • Celebrate the small victories. Mark it on the calendar when your baby makes that first yellow, seedy poop. Do the happy dance when they sleep well. Take a mental picture when they smile, even if it’s just a reflex or gas. So, when your baby doesn’t sleep all night or he peed through a third outfit, you can remember those little victories and know there’s hope for a better tomorrow.
  • Humility. I wrote about the difficulties of letting Tim serve me while I was pregnant a couple weeks ago. Well, that’s been nothing compared to what he, my parents, our family, and friends have done in the days following James’ arrival. Laundry, meals, errands, cleaning, burping, changing, holding and more has all been done by others so that we could sleep, shower, and adjust to being a family of three. It’s humbling to need/receive so much help. I am immensely grateful for those we love giving so freely of their resources.
  • It takes a village. Raising children (speaking with only two weeks experience) takes many hands. As witnessed by the thoughts above, we have many to help. The thought of not having those hands is daunting and makes me poignantly aware of all the parents who don’t feel surrounded and supported by community. [pullquote]I want to be more intentional about being that community for other people. [/pullquote]
  • Unplug! My phone has been in Do Not Disturb mode for the majority of the past fourtneen days. Tim helped me turn off all my social media notifications when I went into labor and I haven’t looked back since. The need for undisturbed sleep and a precious little bundle that should get my whole attention has finally prompted me to do something I should have done awhile ago. [pullquote position=”right”]I may not be timely with texts or Facebook messages, but I feel less hustle and more love[/pullquote] (thanks for the catch phrase, Shauna!). I want to be present for my son and my family, not feel the pressure to write blogs or keep up with social media.
  • Every baby is different. Just like every pregnancy is different, every little one is unique and special. Getting advice is great, but nothing can compare to you and your spouse getting to know your baby and their specific needs. Being a prayerful and intentional parent goes farther than feeding schedules and daily routines (those will probably change tomorrow anyways).

Photo Credit: Hepburn Creative (yes, that is our little James…)

Praises and Prayers For a New Baby

I can’t remember how I connected with Rachel, but I’m glad I did! She’s a blogging buddy, fellow mom, and Christ-follower. Plus she has great taste in burger places… (If you’re ever near Seattle Pacific University, don’t miss Red Mill Burgers.) I am so pleased she agreed to guest post and I’m totally blessed by her sweet spirit. Make sure to check out her blog – Mason Jar Values!

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If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that Em was expecting a baby boy right around now. He’s here (woohoo!) and I wanted to share some prayers you can offer up along side me as the new mom and dad get settled in to their new rhythms of parenting. ~Rachel at Mason Jar Values

praises and prayers for a new baby

Lord, we first want to thank you and praise You for little James Atticus! Thank you for giving his mama the strength to bring him safely into this world and for blessing his daddy to be just the right encourager for the delivery.

We also lift up James’ continual growth and development in this fourth trimester, the first 12 weeks of life during which so much adjustment takes place.

Jesus, we pray for Tim and Em’s marriage, that they would continually set aside regular time to work on their relationship, being intentional even when it feels like the demands on their time are at their peak.

Keep Your hand on Em’s spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being during this time of profound change, especially as her hormones realign and she deals with the emotions surrounding being a new mom.

Lord, thank You for making Em’s body strong and able to deliver James. In these days of recovery, give her the rest she needs to heal and bounce back. Thank You for making her a beautiful woman and remind her of that as she adjusts to her post-baby body.

We pray for Tim’s heart as he leads his growing family in this dynamic time of change. Give him Your strength and wisdom to support and encourage Em as she cares for James and learns the rhythms of being a mother. Guide his thoughts, words, and actions and continue to bring alongside men to support him in this new venture as dad.

Jesus, thank you for this incredible blessing and for giving James such capable and loving parents. Bless them through the sleepless nights, the uncharted territory of new parenthood, and the wondrous creation of new life.

Amen.

Rachel Zupke

My name is Rachel and I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler.  My husband brings home the big bucks as a high school science teacher and I help out $wise by coaching girls basketball and coed rowing as well as substitute teaching at my hubby’s high school (I taught HS science pre-baby).   I write about life – Jesus and family, homemaking, real food and natural living, outdoor adventures with our Siberian Husky, and local happenings.

7 Ways to Embrace Your Body During Pregnancy

Despite my pregnancy body image struggles, I haven’t spent the entirety of the past nine months feeling like a two ton tank with legs. During my more rational and positive moments, I realized there were some things I could do to make myself feel more feminine and fit. Acting like a victim of my pregnant circumstance was not one of them. I still had/have days where nothing seems okay about my pregnant physique (except for the little one growing in there), but I never regretted taking action against my negative attitude, however small the action was. Here are seven simple and practical ways to embrace (or begin to embrace) your changing body during pregnancy.

7 ways to embrace your body during pregnancyPaint those nails – Painted nails are one of my superficial coping methods. Bright, cheery nail colors help me get through the dreary Winter months and just a slick of light pink helps me feel feminine anytime of year. So, it’s no surprise that keeping my nails painted during pregnancy has been a mood lifter. Prenatal vitamins plus pregnancy hormones usually make nails and hair (see suggestion below) grow strong and healthy. Take advantage of the length and strength of those pregnant nails – you’ll feel festive and more put together.

{My absolute favorite nail polish is Rimmel Lasting Finish Pro Nail Enamel. The flat tipped brush makes for easy and accurate application and the colors range from subdued French Rose to trendy Marine Blue.}

Take care of your hair – Even if your hair didn’t benefit from those vitamins and hormones I mentioned (though they really do marvelous things for most women’s hair), a good cut, wash, and styling session can do a world of good for your morale. I recently got my hair cut and felt like a new woman. Investing in quality shampoo and conditioner is good way to pamper your locks, too, if you aren’t in need of a trim.

Maternity Clothes – Don’t wait until you’re bursting out of your regular stuff to buy and wear maternity clothes. Put everything that doesn’t fit away so its not taunting you. Motherhood Maternity and Target were my favorite places to get clothes. (MM has tall jeans!) You may rebel against the thought of wearing things with ruching and stretchy waist bands, but chances are, you’ll look slimmer in them than in regular clothes you’re trying to make accommodate your changing shape.

You also don’t need to replace your whole wardrobe with maternity clothes. A well curated selection of maternity pieces should carry you through your entire pregnancy.  I ended up with 3 pants, 1 pair of leggings, 3 t-shirts, 5 or so sweaters, and 1 dress. Though I’m excited to expand my wardrobe pretty soon, I definitely didn’t grieve for lack of maternity options.

Avoid looking at pre-pregnancy photos – I got into several negative spirals after looking through older Facebook albums. All I could think about was how I wished I looked like I did in those photos instead of how I looked now in my pregnant state. The comparison is unfair and detrimental to your body image. I would avoid going down memory lane as much as possible.

Exercise – It can be difficult to get off the couch to pee in the midst of pregnancy induced exhaustion let alone exercise, but physical activity was truly one of the most effective ways of embracing my pregnant body. Even when nothing but a nap sounded good, I always felt better (and more energized) after getting off my bum and engaging in some sort of physical activity. I stopped jogging pretty immediately after finding out I was pregnant for fear that I would somehow bounce little James right out of the womb. In hindsight, that wasn’t necessary, but walks were a good alternative. I also enjoyed pregnancy workout videos in my living room when Winter really kicked in. You don’t have to let your arms and legs atrophy even though your middle is expanding. If you aren’t sick or bed ridden, I would push past the temptation to stay sedentary and get moving!

Wear mascara – Do whatever it is that makes you feel pretty and put together. For some women it’s a necklace; for others it’s lip gloss. For me, it’s wearing mascara. Most of the time during the past few months, I have looked like a ragamuffin – fuzzy socks, Tim’s sweat pants, unbrushed hair. I think Tim looks forward to Sundays when I make a concerted effort to look presentable. Though it takes some extra effort, I always feel better after I’ve showered and put some thought into my ensemble. But even if I’m staying in my yoga pants, taking a minute to put on mascara before I walk out the door makes me feel more human.

Guard your mind – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

I think this has been the most difficult, but most rewarding way to embrace my pregnancy body – praying for the strength to keep my mind focused where it needs to be focused. Even if you gain more weight than you wanted to or you just feel like a beached whale sometimes, you are still beautiful and full of life. We can ask God for help in keeping our minds on truth, purity, beauty, and praiseworthy things.

photo credit: Kit4na via photopin cc

The Hardest Thing About Pregnancy: part 2

I gave some background about the struggles I am talking about today in yesterday’s post. If you missed it, I would encourage you to read that post before continuing on.

The hardest thing about pregnancy has been embracing my changing body. Nine months ago, I had complete control of my appearance. I could work out whenever and however I wanted. I could eat what and how I wanted. After years of being in a roller coaster relationship, full of ups and downs and loop-de-loops, with my body I would have characterized our relationship as healthy. But I’ve come to realize that healthy has been a euphemism for control. I like being in control. I feel good about myself when I’m in control.

Pregnancy has taken the control right out of my hands and exposed the complicated network of issues I still struggle with. As James grew, I grew, and so did the insecurities that hovered just below the surface of my controlled exterior. I’m writing without having been fixed, without having come out on the other side of these insecurities yet. I’m still in the mess, but am not without hope.

The Insecurities

Numbers… I’m still a slave to the numbers. My pant size can make me do the happy dance and it can send me spiraling into the blues. The same goes for my weight. I dread the beginning of each OB appointment because of the numbers that will stare back at me from that electronic scale. I make a point of kicking off my shoes, shedding any extra clothing, and emptying my bladder before being weighed, just to shave off a few ounces. I know weight gain is inevitable, but it’s been difficult to see numbers rise higher and higher every month.

Identity… Being pregnant is such an in-between stage. I don’t have a baby in my arms yet, but I’m not my normal unhindered self. My body has been a continuing reflection of a new stage, a new role that I wasn’t quite prepared for in the first place. As my waist line expanded, I grieved the loss of being young and unencumbered. I didn’t realize how much I associated my body image with my season of life. My physical shape is a barrier to the image I so enjoyed embodying (adventurous, newlywed, with no strings attached). The changes in my body are ever hinting at a major life change that still scares me poopless sometimes.

Appearance… I just don’t look the same. I wasn’t always happy with how I looked pre pregnancy, but I definitely liked my appearance more then than now. My arms are softer and my legs have lost their tone. My love handles have grown and my face is more full. I feel unattractive and I miss my pre pregnancy physique. I’ve lost my edge in the beauty battle because I’m round and pregnant (utter shame here for making beauty a competition).

Future… I worry about never fitting into my pre pregnancy clothes again. What if I have to get rid of all my jeans and start from scratch because I failed at slimming back down. What if Tim doesn’t find me as attractive post pregnancy as he did when we first got married? What if I don’t have the will power to eat healthy and get back in shape?

The Conclusions

I’ve been struggling with letting go of my non-mom identity and the physical ideal I can’t hold up as a pregnant woman. When my value is in physical appearance and numbers, I will always be striving, striving to fit into the world’s ideal. When I’m in that mode, I become focused on how to keep climbing the physical ladder. I obsess about being the prettiest person Tim sees every day (my perception, not his), which immediately sets me up for failure, disappointment, and a whole slew of negative self talk. All of which serves to sadden my Creator and alienate me from my husband and those I’m judging and comparing myself to.

There are so many aspects of this season that require grace, rest, contentment, and perseverance. Pregnancy is so much more than carrying around your developing child for 40 weeks. The trials go deeper than morning sickness, aches and pains. It’s a mental, emotional, and spiritual trial that can only be meant to make us more like Jesus.

Thanks for letting me be candid about these struggles. I am very much in process and I realize postpartum is going to be a whole new process in itself. 

For further reading:

What’s been the hardest thing for you about pregnancy? 

photo credit: LeonArts.at via photopin cc