Find Your Greatness

March 11, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

One of my sweet joys in life is listening to my husband talk about Jesus with students. I get to hear his passion for Christ and his care and concern for young people spill from his heart every week, especially on Sundays and Wednesdays.

Our youth group is going through Mark on Sunday mornings and last week we were talking about an oft shared story – Jesus feeding the 5,000. As Tim talked about how God is able to do mighty things with our meager offerings, I kept thinking of a certain Nike commercial.

My mind connects dots in a fairly creative pattern, so thinking of TV during a message isn’t out of the ordinary. There’s been some controversy about this particular commercial, but for whatever reason, it really resonates with me. At face value, the message is generically inspirational: anyone can achieve greatness no matter what obstacles need to be overcome – all you need to do is start (Just Do It!).

The commercial speaks of personal greatness, but I think of God’s greatness.

Somehow we’ve come to believe that greatness is a gift reserved for a chosen few, for prodigies, for superstars, and the rest of us can only stand by watching…

God invites us to partner with Him in ministry, to make His name great. We don’t need to be amazing orators, charismatic leaders, rich and influential, or monks to make an impact on Christ’s behalf.

Greatness is no more unique to us than breathing. We are all capable of it. All of us.

God’s greatness is displayed in the little things just as much as in miracles. Our daily lives can be a living sacrifice to Him if we choose to let God shine instead of ourselves. We are all equipped to share God’s greatness, one breath at a time.

Five loaves and two fish is far from great, but God can do great things when we are willing to offer what we have. ( <— Tweet this! )

The weight of our sin and smallness may make us cumbersome. Our burdens and brokenness may slow us down. I often limit God because I’m convinced I have nothing to offer. I don’t serve because I think I’ll fail. I don’t talk to that person because I think I won’t have the words. I don’t initiate because I fear rejection.

But, God uses the weary and imperfect; He only asks that we get off our feet and move for His glory – even if they are baby steps.

May we all be willing to be used for God’s greatness, one step at a time.

The Best Author I Know

March 7, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 9 Comments

One thing I love about how God shapes our lives is His uncanny way of creating unforeseen twists and turns in the setting, the plot, and the cast of characters. I’m not talking about major surprises coming out of left field (though He does do that); I’m talking about subtle nuances written into one’s life that weave a story of God’s goodness, His glory, and His perfect plan for us.

The specifics of our story are expertly crafted to work together for God’s greater purpose and our greater good. { <—- Tweet this! }

When we moved to Idaho in September, I hadn’t planned to work, at least for awhile. Though Tim would have supported me either way, we decided it would benefit our family most if I didn’t work straight away.

Turns out, I really needed that time to process the way our story had been written thus far. So much transition – new marriage, new location, new church community, and Tim’s new job – had been jammed into a few months. It almost felt like God had ended my story and started writing a brand new one.

Maybe in a way He did, but I like to think of it as just another volume in the set on Emily Catherine Gardner – this one entitled, The 9.0 Transition Earthquake.

I’m still processing, however, I’m finally allowing God to pen some joy back into my heart. I may prefer living closer to family and friends, but God has demonstrated time and time again that He’s a better writer than me and I should let Him shape my story. { <– Tweet this! } He’s certainly writing an interesting chapter right now, full of those subtle nuances I was talking about.

I got a job a month ago. The job simultaneously combines one of my favorite things and one of my least favorite things: traveling and talking to strangers. {I’ll let you work out which one is which.} I work for a marketing research company that does impact studies for a few major restaurant chains when they want to open a new location near an existing location. I travel to the site and survey customers.

When I got married, I thanked God that during my 24 years of single-hood I had the opportunity to travel extensively abroad for school and missions. He allowed me to explore the world while I had the freedom to do so. Though Tim is an adventurer like myself, the life of a youth pastor is not conducive to a ton of travel. I had my time of mourning for the end of my major traveling season and left it to God to help me be content in one place.

Not only has God provided a job that helps us along in our goal to be debt free {so close!}, I get to travel a lot! {Boston and Chicago last month and Orlando currently.} The travel bug bites and I no longer have to dose it in Benadryl cream.

{God’s plan – 1, Emily’s plan – 0}

author and creator

My only reluctance towards this job was the necessity of approaching countless strangers. I don’t have much initiative when it comes to talking and I generally avoid eye contact with surveyors in a restaurant or on the street. I figured this would just be the price I had to pay for traveling.

After walking up to almost 1,000 strangers {rejections included}, I have developed more confidence in my social presence. The “go say hi to people” time at church is less intimidating. Giving announcements and demonstrating absurd poses for a game at youth group {that one’s for you, Lindsay} aren’t butterfly inducing anymore.

As a pastor’s wife in a new church, I am so thankful for my new found ability to talk with strangers and be socially assertive. I’m no Chatty Kathy, mind you, and I still feel awkward at times, but I’ve made marked improvement. I’m not sure how else I could have developed that so quickly if it weren’t for this job.

{God’s plan – 2, Emily’s plan – 0}

The things that seem to just happen in life don’t just happen. They are written into the plot for a reason. Often, those reasons aren’t apparent at first. Sometimes they even appear distasteful, like talking to a bunch of people you don’t know. But God is the author and creator of our lives. He is a life-smith with a supernatural ability to write the perfect story for each of His precious kids. { <– Tweet this! }

Blogiversary

March 5, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

I like to commemorate the little things. Tim and I have acknowledged, if not celebrated, every monthiversary since we got married. {We’re up to ten this month!} I’ll probably be the parent who says her child is 26 months old just so she can blow up balloons and have cupcakes every four weeks.

Though it’s not the one year mark, Primitive Roads is celebrating a blogiversary today – SIX months of navigating life’s unpaved paths. This is rather hard for me to believe for two reasons: 1. I’ve been blogging in my head for years, so it seems like I’ve had this home on the interwebs way longer and 2. This blogiversary coincides with our movaversary (I’m clearly okay with made-up words) which means we’ve lived in Idaho for six months. That is unreal.

Primitive Roads was born out of need – a need for an occupation and an outlet. I wanted a place to share how God was walking alongside me every step of this rather rustic and uncharted season in my life. I process though writing and strongly believe that being honest and open about what we’re processing is a huge part of developing authentic community.

I appreciate the community that has developed here and am thankful for the connections being built. Thank you for the reading, commenting, sharing, linking, emailing, and prayers that make me feel supported and encouraged.

In honor of this little milestone in the life of Primitive Roads, I wanted to do a mini retrospective of the past six months. Thank you for joining me on the journey thus far.

September: My first post, aptly titled “The Next Chapter“, written in the wee hours of the morning before Tim and I started our drive to Idaho.

I jumped into the Christian blogosphere by writing a Letter To My Teenage Self to help launch Emily P. Freeman’s book, Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life. I began to share my love of food/cooking with recipes. Christmas-Eve Salad was the first one I got featured on Tastespotting and Food Gawker.

October: Another jump into the blogosphere was my last minute (read – night before) decision to participate in The Nester’s 31 Day Challenge. I chose my theme of writing letters for the next 31 days based on a letter I wanted to write to my husband’s ex-girlfriend (Dear Jackie). You can find links to all the letters here, but some of my favorite were: Dear Eustace, Dear Southwest (which they featured on their blog), Dear Jen Hatmaker, and Dear H.S. Gals.

November: I read a couple great books in November. I reviewed 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker and had a major epiphany the day I started One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I wrote my first guest post about The Six Things I’ve Learned In Six Months of Marriage for Kayse Pratt’s delightful blog.

I’m obsessed with granola and developed a Gingerbread Granola recipe that I found way too addicting.

December: I decided to transfer my blog from WordPress {dot} com to WordPress {dot} org in order to have more control over design and to utilize some affiliate programs, like Amazon, to raise funds to support Primitive Roads. The process was technically challenging and beyond frustrating at times. Finally, I just laid hands on my computer and prayed for my blog. I should have done that from the beginning.

I did a series near and dear to my heart about how to have a Mary Christmas. My favorite projects from a week of crafts I featured were the Paper Bag Christmas Card and the beautiful wedding memories ornaments that my mom made. My mom also wrote a poignant guest post about God being sovereign in all seasons.

January: I introduced my one word (intentional) and started a series on community. My husband wrote an awesome post about Jane Austen and community. Speaking of Jane Austen, I discovered how much I resembled her characters from Sanditon. I finally got a warm coat which prompted me to write 7 Ways To Get Through Winter. I figured out how to replicate the Rosemary Currant Bread from my favorite breakfast place (Julienne in San Marino, CA). I confessed that it’s hard for me to graciously share baking territory with other people who are gifted in that area.

February: Four other bloggers and I did a collaborative series called How To Maintain Your High Maintenance Marriage. We wrote about communication, service, laughter, and sex. {Sex seemed to be a popular topic with y’all.} I gave some style advice in 5 Essential Earrings Ever Woman Should Own (and may have shocked people with the amount of earrings I posses). Valentines month was a good excuse for me to bake Rosemary Lemon Sugar Cookies and Cream Filled Chocolate Sandwich Cookies. Enough said.

I wrote a Valentine from God for Kindred Grace, a blog I contribute to, and made my first craft tutorial. I’m a competitive person and had to stop playing games with Tim before I discovered these six ways to curb my competitiveness. Inspired by one of my favorite blogs, Cardigan Way, I did a what I’m into post called Primitive Pleasures that I will continue to do at the end of every month.

Six months have been full of primitive roads. I’m excited about tackling the unpaved paths ahead.

I would love to hear from you! Email me at emgardner8@gmail.com with any questions, comments, ideas or feedback…

{balloon photo credit: stephanie ★ via photopin cc}

Grace For The Good Girl

March 4, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 6 Comments

I have never found myself so accurately portrayed in a book before I read Emily P. Freeman’s Grace For The Good Girl. I tweeted as much in the midst of reading it and Emily responded with an apology. It made me laugh, but it was indeed a reminder that being a good girl isn’t always a good thing.

You see, what I was meaning as a compliment to Emily spoke more than appreciation for her writing and message. I had unintentionally admitted how much I struggle in my good girl identity. Finding myself in every word of her book meant that I still desperately cling to perfection. I’m still seeking value from other people’s perceptions and base my worth on living up to an impossible standard.

One of the most encouraging things about this book was discovering that I’m not alone. I certainly don’t wish the stress and anxiety of being a good girl on anyone, but I spent many years wondering if I was the only one who felt shackled to an image that didn’t necessarily portray reality.

I believe being a good girl is part nature, part nurture. It’s one thing to be inherently sweet, thoughtful, and compassionate; but it’s another thing when you surpress normal emotions, desires, and needs to appear that way.

My natural good girl tendencies became my own enforced norm when I discovered smarts and an illusion of perfection could get me attention. Little did I know that a dangerous pattern of internal pressure was developing. When my natural good girl failed, I had to kick my nurture good girl into high gear or I wouldn’t feel good enough. My classmates wouldn’t like me as well if I didn’t get an A on that chemistry test. I wouldn’t be the apple of my Sunday school teacher’s eye if I didn’t find Malachi 2:5 first. No guy would ever ask me out if I didn’t stay a size 4.

Of course, I didn’t begin to recognize this corrupted train of thought until a few years ago when my circle of friends grew into a community of honest and authentic sisters who weren’t adverse to showing their brokenness.

Emily reveals that same brokenness in Grace for the Good Girl. She is honest about the time her husband found her curled on the couch sobbing because she felt inadequate, how she felt like less of a woman because she had c-sections instead of natural births, and how she is sometimes crippled by anxiety.

I felt as if an invisible good girl was following me around wherever I went, showing up without permission to shame and blame and scold. She was omnipresent, like a pretty little goddess in a pink, shadowy corner. She embodied the good girl version of my current life stage and shamed me accordingly; good student, good leader, good wife, and good mom. She represented the girl I wanted to be but didin’t know why. I felt the heavy weight of impossible expectations and had the insatiable desire to explain every mistake. My battle with shame was constant and hovering.

Instead of recognizing my own inadequacy as an opportunity to trust God, I hid those parts and adopted a bootstrap religion. I focused on the things I could handle, the things I excelled in, my disciplined life, and my unshakeable good mood. These masks became so natural to me that I didn’t even know they were masks.

Emily P. Freeman ~ Grace for the Good Girl

Even in those broken moments, Emily offers hope and encouragement for all good girls no matter where on the spectrum they land, whether they are recovering or still covered by the mask of perfection.

Emily also wrote a second book, Graceful, geared toward younger women. When it launched in September, Emily encouraged people to write letters to their teenage self. Mine sheds light onto my good girl history and explains more about Graceful.

Find more of Emily on her blog Chatting At The Sky.

Ordinary {Five Minute Friday}

March 1, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

I am guilty; guilty of putting God in a box. My perception of God is limited by the dimensions of that box. The only thing that can change the dimensions of my box is joy.

Joy helps me to see the real God, the God who loves with no bounds, who works in intricate ways that often go looked over. My God is sovereign and powerful, yet he created the beauty of our natural world with care and concern. He hand crafted each of us to be unique representations of Himself on earth. God can’t wait to get us back, to develop community in person with each one of us.

My box gets too dull and small, when dissatisfaction distracts me from seeing God in the ordinary of my life. Joy cracks the box, letting light slip in and illuminate the ordinary.

Ordinary glows in the light of joy. Slowly, the box crumbles because it cannot contain the light or the joy. Both spill out with uncontrolled boundaries. That is anything but ordinary.

{photo credit: Cia de Foto via photopin cc}

I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday!