Letting Go For Future Promises

September 17, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 7 Comments

My current everyday Bible is a very slim NKJV I received from my mom for my twentieth birthday. Just a few months later I headed off to Oxford for my first semester studying abroad with that Bible in tow. Since its maiden voyage, that Bible has been all over the world, from the States to Europe, Africa, and many places in between.

I love my Bible. I love its textured “is it brown? is it maroon?” cover with the slightly chipped gold letters forming my maiden name in the bottom right corner. I love the quotes collected over the past six years creating a patchwork of truth on the first blank pages. I love my mom’s inscription written in her perfect cursive. I love seeing the letter Tim wrote me last summer stuck amidst the Psalms. I love the slightly bubbled pages of 1 Corinthians, aftermath of some rogue rain drops. I love the yellow colored pencil over references to God’s light. I love the sound of the paper thin sheets being turned.

Most of all, I love the underlines. I love the notes crammed in the margins, some completely illegible. I love the dates, denoting a promise or a commitment, next to a poignant verse. All of those brackets, circles, cross references, notes, stars and underlines remind me that God speaks.

He speaks to me. When I invest in His word, He is faithful to reveal Himself. Those markings prove to me that God is personal, alive and active in my heart.

But I’ve become distracted. I read and I linger over the underlines and notes, inattentive to what God wants to show me today. I rely on the familiar for comfort and strength. My notes and underlines that speak life also create traps, snares for the nuggets hidden between the lines.

I’ve decided to retire my beloved Bible for a time. A tabula rasa, if you will, takes its place. When I think to much about the blank pages ahead, I fear that they will remain blank. What if I’ve lost my ability to hear from God? What if God can’t speak to my heart? When that happens, I can just look at the slim spine sitting on my bookshelf and remember all the little piles of stones that reside among those pages, evidence of God’s faithfulness to His people, to me.

The Multitasking Dilemma

September 11, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 2 Comments

Multitasking shows up on resumes everywhere. I learned all sorts of synonyms for multitasking in my high school “life skills” class so as to impress prospective employers with my vast vocabulary and my ability to juggle multiple tasks at once.

In the past eight years of being a working person, I’ve had a couple jobs that required me to be a Jaqueline of All Trades and to perform all those trades at the same time. One in particular made me question the value in multitasking.

I spent a year as an innkeeper at a lovely little bed and breakfast (The Cass House) on the Central Coast of California after I graduated from college. The job combined so many things I enjoyed doing – cooking/baking, creating warm and welcoming spaces, administrative tasks – yet there was an element of stress that didn’t jive with doing work I loved. Looking back, I realized the stress didn’t come from the actual tasks, but the necessity of doing most of those tasks at the same time.

On any given morning I was flitting about readying the breakfast buffet with coffee and light snacks so hungry patrons would have something to eat while I made their breakfast to order. In between flips of blueberry-almond pancakes, I would get guests checked out, clean rooms, clear tables, and start making fresh flower arrangements. When dishes needed to be done, I also needed to answer emails, take reservations for dinner (The Cass House also happened to house and outstanding restaurant), make cookies, and recommend local activities to guests. All of those things needed to be done and they needed to be done concurrently, but I found that multitasking could suck much of the joy I derived from those tasks right out of the day.

I hadn’t really thought much about that aspect of The Cass House until I started painting our kitchen cupboards a couple weeks ago. My suitcase from vacation was still full and on the living room floor as I began taking cupboard doors off their hinges. I created a mess for five days, as I beautified our formerly brown cupboards. While I was painting I began to think of other things I really needed to get done – letters I wanted to answer, a very messy filing system I should have organized months ago, a house that deserved some TLC, blog posts I wanted to finish, and meals that wouldn’t make themselves.

Maybe it’s a combination of my perfectionist, people-pleasing personality and the fact that pregnancy has diminished my energy stores far beyond what I imagined, but I really couldn’t bring myself to multitask. I let all of those things that should get done fall by the wayside as I singularly focused on painting our cupboards. I know that kind of one track mind isn’t always possible, but it felt good to let go.

Not flitting from painting to filing to writing to cleaning allowed me to fully participate in my task. I invested mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual energy into painting my cupboards. (I prayed a lot while I was painting…)

I was fully present.

Being fully present isn’t something I do naturally. Distractions leave me divided and unable to engage with the present – person, place, or activity. While multitasking can be a positive and productive thing, it can promote distractions that divide my attention from what is right in front of me to enjoy.

In a culture that often necessitates we multitask, I’m challenging myself (and you!) to pick one thing a day, a week, a month and let all other tasks fall by the wayside. Focus and be present!

Happy One Year

September 5, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

I created Primitive Roads and wrote my first post one year ago today. Not coincidentally, Tim and I also began our three day drive to Idaho one year ago today. The driving force behind starting this blog was the next chapter beginning in my life. Tim and I were four months married and leaving behind family and friends to start a new life in Idaho.

The road during the last year has certainly been primitive, for me anyways. Potholes, gravel, and some unforeseen curves have made me stumble, but like I said in that first post:

God has proven a trustworthy author thus far, so, in faith, the pages continue to turn. A new chapter for Team Gardner begins tomorrow morning!

God wrote a lot of transition into our first year in Idaho. I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning as He continues to write our story.

The plot continues to thicken. If I thought our first year in Idaho was full of firsts, I think the beginning of our second year already has it beat. We bought our first house and are expecting our first child in February!

Primitive Roads has been a safe place for me to share how God is working in my heart during the past year and I pray it continues to be a space of honesty and vulnerability in the year ahead. I appreciate your support and encouragement, fellow journeymen!

Since we are surrounded by so many examples of faith, let us follow their lead, laying aside every burden and sin that weighs us down, and let us run the race with perseverance and strength, keeping our focus on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…

Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV with Emily edits)

Here’s to year two!

{photo credit: orangesparrow via photopin cc}

A Few Good Things

September 4, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

Because of our vacation and getting back into the swing of things when Tim and I returned, I didn’t get to do a “What I’m Into” post (what I call Primitive Pleasures on the blog) this month. I did want to pass on a few good things from August, though. So, here they are!

{Tim and I – BG under sweatshirt – in New York)

App

Tim started using Pocket, an application (phone, tablet, and computer) that I would characterize as Pinterest for the written word. I often find things via Twitter and the like that I want to read but don’t have time to at that exact moment. Generally, I favorite, bookmark, or email the link to peruse later. I either forget about it or clog my inbox with emails to myself. With Pocket, you can save virtually anything (not just blog posts) your run across on the internet for later. You don’t even need internet to look them over. Even better – you can collate them into categories with customizable tabs.

Books

Friends from church gave us Waiting In Wonder by Catherine Claire Larson and it is just wonderful. It’s now on my mental list of things to give to all expectant mothers. Every week of your pregnancy, Catherine shares what’s going on biologically as well as emotionally and spiritually. There’s a memory verse each week and four more devotions for that corresponding week. The questions that go along with each devotional are fun and thought provoking – a great way to document your thoughts and feelings throughout a pregnancy.
I’m reviewing Quiet by Susan Cain for Kindred Grace’s A Peek Into Your Personality next month and am totally hooked. I won’t go into detail since I’ll be writing a whole post on the book, but whether your an introvert or extrovert, this one is worth reading.

Recipe

Around where my parent’s live in New York, most people have their own version of Chicken Riggies and Utica Greens – or at least a favorite place to get them. A friend of ours found a delicious recipe for Chicken Riggies via Taste of Home which we ate while in NY and made again last night for dinner. Imagine chicken, peppers, onions, and pasta in a tomato-cream-sherry sauce that’s a bit spicy and a whole lot of good… Fair warning: this recipe makes a TON!

For Fun

Tim and I met Jon Acuff!!! (author of Stuff Christians Like, Quitter, Start etc.)

I thought I saw his doppleganger get on our flight our of Spokane ahead of us and it turned out to be him. Tim did some quick sleuth work to confirm our suspicions and since I was already locked into my seat, I tweeted at him. Here’s what ensued…

Don’t worry, all of this tweeting was done BEFORE the flight took off. I was too embarrassed to get up during the flight to introduce myself so I thought I would just have this conversation to share with others. We wondered if he was heading home or on to another speaking engagement. My husband is an excellent internet detective and after the plane landed, he discovered Jon’s from Nashville area and there was a flight from Vegas (our layover) to Nashville departing 30 minutes after our arrival.

Long story short – we saw that his gate was on the way to ours, tracked him down (in a, non-stalker way), and introduced ourselves. We stood there debating whether to interrupt him since he had just put headphone in, but I’m glad we did! Jon is a SUPER nice guy and chatted with us until he had to board his flight.

Moral of the story: Tim and I really aren’t creepers, I promise.

Home and Choosing Joy

September 3, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 5 Comments

It’s been over a week since Tim and I returned from New York and I’m still recovering – less from jet lag (though there was plenty of that) and more from the emotions of leaving a place and people I dearly love.

Every trip to my now beloved Central New York leaves me more and more bewitched by a certain little lake and the rural landscape that seems to shout simplicity. Now more than ever it’s a place to relive good memories, spend time with family, and relax.

After spending 8 days in my happy place, I was hard pressed to keep my return flight. I’m convinced that if I wasn’t returning in a month, Tim might have been flying to Idaho by himself. Well, and the fact that I would miss him terribly… Despite the fact that I am returning so soon, the end of this trip was bittersweet.

I’ve finally reached the point where I don’t consider Southern California home only to have it supplanted, not by Idaho, but by New York. Our trip wasn’t just a vacation, it was like going home – and leaving home is always difficult for me.

The first couple days back in Coeur d’Alene were tough. I was wrestling with desires I knew couldn’t become reality at present and a present reality I thus had a bad attitude toward. I’m still wrestling with the former, but the latter was improved by a realization, and resulting choice, I had last Friday.

Tim was preaching at our church’s Father Daughter Camp. The 45 minute drive to Camp Cocolalla (great name, right?) is rather lovely. As Tim remarked on the pretty sky and the setting sun shining through the copious pine trees, I found myself not wanting to agree. I actually did find the landscape quite pleasing, but didn’t want to admit it for fear it diminished my appreciation for New York’s natural beauty.

I was purposefully holding out on the truth in order to make a point.

Where did that get me? Nowhere except for Sulkville. Despite the fact that Sulkville was initially soothing to my bruised desires, I knew it wasn’t a place I could live indefinitely. God and Tim know my desires without me being pouty to make a point.

My choice was obvious: I could remain gloomy or choose joy. Though I am not always successful, I am trying to choose joy. For me this means seeking and acknowledging the little treasures around me – the scent of Fall in the air, pine trees and thunderstorms, new friends and building community.

Just because I acknowledge the things I really enjoy about the present doesn’t mean I have to abandon my desires. It DOES mean that I surrender those desires to God and continue to give thanks for His many treasures.