How To Have A Money Date

March 28, 2013December 20, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 11 Comments

A couple weeks ago, Tim and I payed off all our credit card debt. It was a joyous occasion with much merriment and some living room dancing {um, more from me than Tim}. The next week, we had all of these overly adultish things happen at once. Being debt free was short-lived due to root canals and tax surprises. Those unexpected expenses were the best thing that could have happened to our finances, despite the damper they put on our recent freedom.

That sounds utterly absurd, but those expenses forced us to finally sit down and have a serious chat about our budget – a Money Date as I like to call it. {I’m capitalizing here because I really think it should be a recognized proper noun :) }

Money Dates are the best thing you can do for your finances because talking about money is the first step to financial health. You have to communicate to make money work for your family and your budget. Plus, the date aspect makes financial planning fun – well, at least more fun that it would be without the date part.

Our Money Date

Tim and I wanted to be more intentional about how we spend our money, so our Money Date revolved around building a detailed budget. We are excited to take on April expenses with this new structure in place, though our budget system is by no means revolutionary. We haven’t taken Financial Peace, but we believe in Dave Ramsey’s money principles. So, we created a budget that snowballs debt (which for us includes Tim’s student loans), creates an emergency fund, and leaves a zero balance at the end of each month.

We happened to be staying in a beautiful cabin in Montana last weekend, which was the perfect setting for our Money Date. A large fire roared as we snuggled into the couch with blankets, tea, dessert, and a spreadsheet. A calculator came in handy, too! The atmosphere made a somewhat stressful topic seem less daunting.

How To Have A Money Date

Here are our recommendations on having a successful Money Date:

Who: Just you two. This is a great time to build intimacy as you work together to examine spending habits, fight financial woes, and create a budget. The less distractions the better.
What: Both Tim and I think Money Dates work best when they are part of a shared experience. You want to already be relaxed and having fun. This could be a day trip, a hike, a few hours in a coffee shop… Whatever you do, make the experience feel special and work in time to discuss your finances. The fun will make finances less burdensome.
Where: If you can avoid distractions in your home, being alone is really nice. However, a cozy coffee shop or secluded restaurant booth would work nicely as well. Just be sure you can camp out for a while. Tim mentioned it’s nice to be in neutral territory where you wouldn’t incorporate past discussions or stressful associations into an already sensitive topic.
When: Be wise and know thyself. Pick a time when both of you will be alert and happy. Don’t force your night-owl husband to go on a sunrise hike then expect him to settle in to a cheery discussion about finances over a latte. That won’t end well.
Why: Communication, communication, communication! It’s so important to get everything out in the open – bank statements, credit card debt, receipts, pay stubs, etc. If you don’t have a budget, make one. If you do have a budget, evaluate how it’s working. Money Dates are for you to communicate and get on the same page about your finances. It’s not you against your spouse because of finances; it should be you and your spouse against your finances.

Tim and I built our budget using Mint – it’s free and you can access it on any electronic device. After importing your bank accounts, Mint will categorize all your transactions and keep track of your spending in an easy to read chart. If we weren’t using Mint, we would probably be doing the envelope maneuver {putting cash for each budget category in envelopes and purchasing everything from those envelopes}.

We plan to have weekly or bi-monthly {haven’t decided yet} mini Money Dates to go over our budget and see how our spending is adding up.

After lots of calculating costs and allocating funds, we were pleased to have a solid budget as a result of our date. Though we have always been of similar mind about money, both of us kept saying we wished we had had this detailed of a discussion at the beginning of our marriage. It’s surprisingly liberating to live on a budget.

Have you ever been on a Money Date? What are your strategies to keep money from creating marital conflict?

photo credit: donbuciak via photopin cc
photo credit: 401(K) 2013 via photopin cc

Solid Food

March 25, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 11 Comments

I’m almost 26 and I still have a difficult time processing that I’m an adult doing adultish things. I don’t consciously go about my day thinking I’m in my mid-twenties until I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror and fail to see high school Emily staring back at me.

Instead, I see a married (young) woman with an apartment, a car, and a job. I see someone who travels by herself, makes meals, does laundry, and buys toiletries (which all seem grown-up to me). I’m always taken aback when real life forces me to own up to adulthood.

Last week was one of those real life weeks. Tim and I dealt with taxes, dentist appointments, doctors appointments, and every type of insurance. We spent a lot of money on things that aren’t fun to spend money on and sacrificed plans we hadn’t planned on sacrificing. I’ll spare you the details of these transactions since most of you are probably already thinking, “Yes, Emily, that’s part of growing up and being an adult…” Suffice it to say, it was just an unpleasant, overly adultish week.

It’s in the midst of those weeks when I’m bombarded with the reality of maturing and growing up that I can fully appreciate the illustration Paul uses to talk about spiritual maturity.

You have been Christians a long time now, and you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things a beginner must learn about the scriptures.

You are like babies who drink only milk and cannot eat solid food. And a person who is living on milk ins’t very far along in the Christian life and doesn’t know much about doing what is right. Solid food is the for those who are mature, who have trained themselves to recognize the difference between right and wrong and then do what is right.

Hebrews 5:12-14 | NLT

There’s a natural progression of growing up in both our physical life and spiritual life. We start with a level of immaturity and grow from there. Being a baby, or young in the faith, is just part of the journey; but staying that way is most definitely not part of the plan.

Food helps us grow and mature. The type of food we eat changes as we develop. Milk is easy to digest (unless of course you are lactose intolerant), but it gets old after awhile. Solid food offers variety, but it can be more difficult to digest. Hence, babies start out with a milk diet and progress to solid food as they grow.

Solid food requires effort – you have to buy it, prepare it, chew it, and clean up after eating it. The work does pays off eventually, though, as you begin to develop a taste for the abundance of food God created. There’s discovery and adventure in trying new foods or a different preparation style, but like any cook knows, a bad recipe or failed attempt can be discouraging. That’s when milk seems like a really good option…

Sometimes, childhood seems like a really good option, too. All I want to do is revert back to life with no bills and no responsibilities. It was certainly easier when all I had to worry about was getting A’s and making my bed. Then, I think about my husband, the job that allows me to travel, and the sense of accomplishment I get when we pay off debt. Those things wouldn’t be possible if I was still drinking the milk of my childhood.

Being an adult is difficult, but it is also fulfilling. I want my adult life to be mature just like I want my spiritual life to be mature, which requires solid food. Taxes, paying pills, making decisions on my own, using money wisely – that is solid food.

Paul’s exhortation to backsliding Christians has certainly been a poignant image in my mind this past week, and will continue to be, as I take on adulthood one bite of solid food at a time.

Growth won’t come without solid food. You just have to embrace the changes required in the process.

{photo credit: Biblioteca de Arte-Fundação Calouste Gulbenkian via photopin cc}

How To Make Time For Quality Time

March 21, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 1 Comment

At the beginning of our relationship, Tim and I didn’t have trouble spending time together. It didn’t take long after we started dating to make it a priority to see each other every day. Sometimes that meant a little sacrifice and inconvenience: I dropped by his house for a few minutes after youth group or he would get up early to see me at work before heading to school. Aside from trips that took us out of town, we continued this trend of daily face time into our engagement and our marriage.

Time is an essential ingredient for building any relationship. It takes time to get to know someone. It takes time to invest in someone. It takes time to produce intimacy. It takes time to maintain what you have worked to build. Marriage is one of the most important relationships to preserve and keep healthy, which requires time.

It seems like being married would make spending time as a married couple easier, right? I haven’t found that to be the case…

Being married does mean you get to live with your love, but it also means that real life is now inseparable from your romantic relationship. You can’t really escape into the fairy tale of boy-meets-girl when you also have to make your marriage exist on a practical level.

For me, that reality looks like bills making going-out dates less frequent, a messy house distracting me from cuddling on the couch, and our daily routines taking the place of intentional time together. We may have more time in the same place (does sleeping count?), but it takes purposeful planning to make that time feel like quality time.

I travel for work. (You can find out more about my work in this post.) This is immensely fun for me, but has been an interesting dynamic to navigate as a newlywed. Not only are we adjusting to life as a married couple, but I am gone a third of each month. My time away has not been detrimental (though it has the potential) to our marriage, however, it makes me very aware of how we spend our time when I’m home.

Even if quality time isn’t your love language, it’s necessary to give it and receive it for a marriage to thrive. (<– Tweet this!) For Tim and I, the actual quality time isn’t difficult to generate, it’s finding the time for the quality time. We can’t just let quality time form itself or it won’t happen as often as it should.

Here’s how we make quality time an intentional part of our marriage:

Communicate! I get a detailed calendar of Tim’s schedule for the week on a regular basis. This helps me not to build false expectations of the time we get to spend together when I’m home. (Amy Lynn Andrews has a great post on how to create a weekly schedule using Google Calendar.)
Plan – Using that calendar, plan the time that you will turn into quality time. You don’t necessarily have to plan what you’ll do, but if you don’t plan on it, it rarely happens.
Just Say No – Once you have a plan, stick to it. This may mean you have to turn down other offers. No is difficult to say, but quality time with your spouse is worth prioritizing.
Evaluate – Sit down with your spouse and evaluate all the activities and groups you are involved in. Are they all necessary? Do they add to your quality of life or do they take away your valuable quality time with each other? Make the necessary adjustments.
Get Away – Sometimes you just need to get away from your everyday environment to secure that quality time. Tim and I have made it a priority to get out of town every couple months. Even if it’s just in a neighboring city, not having the distractions of home is really positive.

Quality time is important in every season of marriage! Each stage of life will come with different distractions and obstacles. While I’m still a newlywed, I want to make quality time a habit.

How do you make time for quality time in your marriage?

Oatmeal Muffins

March 19, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 6 Comments

Betty Crocker was a common fixture in our kitchen growing up. Her brownie recipe was perpetually open and had batter splotches instead of a bookmark. The other recipe I could flip to easily in that cookbook {because of the broken-in spine} was oatmeal muffins. Oatmeal Muffins showed up with many meals, but it was guaranteed to be on the table whenever mom made macaroni and cheese.

Everyone needs a tasty, basic muffin recipe in their baking arsenal. This was ours and this should be yours.

If the buttery outer crust and tender insides don’t win you over immediately, you won’t be able to resist the simple ingredients and throw together process of these Oatmeal Muffins.

I went through a phase in high school where I’d bake a batch of oatmeal muffins in jumbo muffin tins and have a briefly warmed muffin with a tall glass of milk for breakfast every day. Every forkful felt nourishing and rich without weighing me down with sweetness.

You can serve these craggy muffins with any meal and with virtually any condiment {jams, PB, honey, Nutella, cream cheese… you get the point}.

Even though oatmeal muffins are simply perfect by themselves, they are also a great blank canvas for sweet and savory mix-ins. Can’t you just imagine mini chocolate chips and lightly toasted coconut lending a touch of Mounds bar charm to these muffins? Or, a healthy mound of grated parmesan and cracked black pepper enhancing the earthy oat flavor?

Despite the copious amounts of time I’ve made this recipe, I’m still shocked that the lumpy, slightly runny batter turns into these glorious muffins. Small chunks of shortening melt into the muffin, transforming humble oats into soft buttery bites.

Just like my mom’s best meal, whenever I make macaroni and cheese, oatmeal muffins are a non-negotiable part of dinner. You’ll also love these with soup in the winter and salads in the summer.

Oatmeal Muffins {adapted from Betty Crocker’s Cookbook}

1 cup old fashioned oats
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup mix-ins (optional)
1/3 cup shortening
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 large egg
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Stir together oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and mix-ins in a bowl and set aside.

Beat Crisco, brown sugar, and egg together with an electric mixer. Add dry ingredients to shortening mixture, alternating with buttermilk, until just combined.

Fill lightly greased muffin tins with batter, 3/4 full. Bake 20-25 minutes until just golden brown. Remove from muffin tins immediately and cool on wire racks.

Store in airtight container.

Don’t miss the rest of the recipes from My Mom’s Best Meal!

The Problem With Judas

March 18, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

Early in the morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the people made their plans how to have Jesus executed. So they bound him, led him away and handed him over to Pilate the governor. When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.” “What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.” So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

{Matthew 27:1-5}

Judas believed that Jesus was who He said He was.

But Judas was a manipulator – the ultimate manipulator.

When Jesus didn’t act like Judas thought a Messiah should act – storming in to take His throne – he tried to force his Master’s hand.

Judas worked to create a situation that would force Jesus to take His rightful place as king.

What better way to do that than betray Him to the authorities. It was the perfect set-up. When faced with certain death, or at least imprisonment – Jesus would have to unleash His full power.

Right?

Again, Jesus didn’t meet his expectations.

He didn’t fight. He didn’t resist. He didn’t upset the government.

Jesus displayed more power and might in His meekness and humility than any king. With the ultimate sacrifice, Jesus proved He was the Messiah.

And Judas’ mistake was exposed with a sickening reality.

His Lord had died and he had a hand in killing Him.

Judas missed the mark with his manipulating and then missed the mark again by ending his own misery with death.

Overcome with guilt and grief, Judas hurried his own death and missed the glorious resurrection of Jesus.

Judas missed Jesus taking the ultimate throne.

The problem with Judas is he wanted Jesus to fit into a Judas-made Jesus box.

I can be a Judas. I have constructed plenty of Emily-made Jesus boxes.

When God doesn’t act the way I want, I try to manipulate Him. I use my own planning powers to make things happen the way I think they should happen.

Invariably, I regret my decision and purger myself for missing the mark again.

But Christ didn’t die for me to manipulate or for me to feel guilty. Jesus died so I could live in relationship with Him.

As Easter approaches, the time when we celebrate that glorious sacrifice and resurrection, I want to deconstruct boxes instead of building more.

I want to accept the grace so freely given and be content in the way Jesus chooses to shape my life.

May we celebrate what the Lord does and not what we think He should do.