Category: Home

Packing Light: a review and what that looks like for me

~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

This post contains affiliate links. Read full disclosure here.

Selling the majority of your possessions, quitting your job, and embarking on a 50-state road trip may not sound like a jolly good time, but that’s exactly what Allison Vesterfelt did. Allison, a teacher turned writer, and her musician friend, Sharaya, gave up security and comfort to travel around the country for six months. They lived off of talent, prayers, and the generosity of others all in the name of “chasing dreams.”

Allison chronicles their adventure in Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage. Her narrative is an engaging memoir/travel log peppered with poignant reflections on faith, relationships, and the baggage we tend to accumulate. She is honest and funny, allowing her own experiences to speak truth and challenge. One aspect of this book that I loved the most was how Allison wove the rich young ruler‘s story in with her own, illuminating some of the baggage he must have been carrying around in his search for eternal life.

I “read” the audio version of Packing Light. The great part about listening to an audiobook is that I can do the dishes, walk on the treadmill or fold laundry while “reading.” The bad part is that I can’t underline or go back and revisit the thoughts and ideas that stuck out. While I enjoyed listening to the author narrate her own adventures, I missed having a physical book to mark up. I’m not an auditory learner; so, despite the fact that I love listening to lectures and sermons and the like, my retention is a bit stunted when I don’t have paper and pen in hand to take notes. I feel like I didn’t squeeze as much juice out of this orange as I could have had I read a physical copy, but I appreciated getting an overall gist/vibe/takeaway from the book that may have gotten lost amidst my focus on the particulars.

Just in case you’re wondering… I will probably go to Barnes and Noble with a notebook and skim for the quotes I would have written down in my journal had I read a hard copy.

My overall takeaway (as in, what I was thinking about after I read the book):

packing light

For me, packing light looks like shedding my expectations. Much of the baggage I carry around comes from expectations. It’s not that reality sometimes falls short of my expectations or that people don’t meet my expectations, it’s that expectations distract me from the present.

Christmas, for example, can be a source of distracting expectations. I have expectations about what the house should look like, what activities should happen leading up to the holiday, and what the actual day should feel like. I don’t think I’ve ever had a Christmas that met all my expectations. Even at the end of the best of Christmases (and I’ve had plenty), there’s still a niggling hint of what didn’t go quite like what I expected. Mary didn’t react to her gift the way I wanted. The grandkids stayed past their nap-time and things got a little out of control. Mom invited a lonely church member over to share dinner and now it’s not just family. As they crumble, those expectations distract from all the wonderful things about the day or the moment.

And this doesn’t just happen with celebrations or activities. Expectations weigh down relationships – with family, with friends, with spouses. I have allowed expectations to distract me from finding joy in so many relationships, even my relationship with myself. My expectations for how I look and what I do distract me from enjoying the body God gave me (which is pregnant and round right now) or maximizing the time I have to rest and recharge before our son is born.

[pullquote position=”right”]We miss out on joy when we let expectations crowd our hearts and minds.[/pullquote] Expectations weigh us down and cloud our vision with perfection when what God has set out for us is right there in front of us. He’s inviting us to leave our expectations behind and grab hold of the freedom we have in His perfect plans.

photo credit: e.b. image via photopin cc

What Quinoa Taught Me About Marriage

~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

Quinoa

Sitting back in my chair after a pleasant dinner, I watched our friend’s 8-month old twins scarf down their dessert – delicious looking, homemade energy bites. After inquiring about the recipe, I was informed that the chocolatey, peanut buttery Pinterest find was partially healthy because quinoa was the main ingredient.

“Have you ever had quinoa?” she asked. No sooner had, “I haven’t, but I’ve always wanted to try it” came out of my mouth did Tim pipe up with an enthusiastic, “I have!”.

For a guy who doesn’t like mushrooms, I was rather shocked. I’m sure the surprise was written all over my expression. As a culinary enthusiast and avid eater, I consider my palette well informed, so I was surprised Tim had tried a food I hadn’t. The surprise didn’t stop there. When I wondered out loud what restaurant he had tried quinoa at, Tim informed our little gathering that he had made it at home once or twice. I was so impressed that, as a bachelor, my husband had cooked quinoa, a fairly obscure grain, for dinner more than once.

That casual conversation around the table led to a fun discovery and an important reminder: [pullquote position=”right”]getting to know your spouse isn’t a one-time accomplishment. Husbands and wives should be life-long learners[/pullquote] – about each other!

Once the basics are out of the way – family, hobbies, goals, personality type – it’s easy to let learning take a back seat. You know you love the person, so much so that you chose to spend the rest of your life with them, but in the long run, that love isn’t a substitute for intimate knowledge.

My dating relationship with Tim started with hours and hours of conversation. Now, more than 18 months into our marriage and endless conversations later, I’m still learning new things about him. Some are fun facts, like his cooking habits; others are serious, like fears and past pain. All are worthwhile new discoveries.

Sometimes I feel bad when I find out I didn’t know something about Tim, but I’m realizing there’s no reason to feel like a bad spouse when you discover new things about the person you married. People change and there will always be more to discover about your bride or groom. That’s part of what makes relationships exciting.

life-long learner

Life-long learning can be passive, a la my quinoa discovery, but the benefits will be richer and more meaningful if the pursuit of knowledge is purposeful. Build time into your schedule to ask questions, try new things, and dig deeper into the person you married. Actively listen and engage when they speak. Study. Notice. Don’t forget to share the fun things you discover. It’s affirming to know someone appreciates your nuances and is excited to learn these new factoids.

All the new things I learn about Tim (the good, the bad, and the ugly) make me love and admire the man I married even more. So, why would I not continue to actively pursue learning about one of my favorite topics?

Life-long learning requires communication and conversation. If, like myself, those things don’t always come easy to you, check out these resources for jumpstarting your path to new discoveries:

  • The Joy Project – A long list of good Conversation Kick Starters for Couples
  • (affiliate link) Table Topics – Makes get to know you questions seem more like a game than an interrogation. Great for families too. (My family has used them for new significant others and to stimulate good dinner conversation).

What are some fun things you’ve learned about your spouse lately? How are you a life-long learner in your marriage?

P.S. I finally made quinoa for the first time last week! (I used this recipe for Broccoli Quinoa Casserole and it was delicious.)

photo credit: Bioversity International via photopin cc

Authenticity and Grace

~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Ephesians 4:29

Maybe it’s because of some thoughts I was having just this morning – ugly, judgmental, critical thoughts – that these words from Paul hit an unusually tender (and sore) part of my soul. As I read them over and over, digesting the truth and rebuke I found there, I had to swallow hundreds of justifications rising to the surface from my sinful heart. What if those “unwholesome words” were witty or true or honest or smart-sounding?

Ephesians 429

I want very desperately to find the loop hole so I don’t have to acknowledge the dirt in my mouth, so I can still spew my opinion – whether out loud or not – without consideration of others. My words aren’t always seasoned, weighed, considered, prayed over, and tested. Sometimes my words are reactionary. I can barely keep my mouth closed until someone else is done speaking because I want to chime in, be heard, be the one who said what everyone else wanted, or could have said, first. Other times I give what hasn’t been asked for. I haven’t considered “the need of the moment” and I spew forth for the sake of contributing.

I can write without considering the need of the moment, too. That’s the danger with any sort and size of platform – be it a blog, a small group, social media accounts, or close friendships. It’s just so easy to speak and share without pausing.

Platform danger

As I’ve been making changes and refining this blog, authenticity and transparency have continued to be major goals. However, authenticity in one’s writing and online presence (and personal life) comes with quite the challenge – being honest while still offering edification and grace. In my efforts to be vulnerable and honest, I don’t always let the Spirit be my copy editor, allowing His fatal red lines to make my sentences more full of love.

With the last few weeks of 2013 and the expanse of 2014 ahead of me, I am purposing to steep my words and writing in grace and to consider what is needed in the moment. Some practical steps I’m going to take to do this:

  • Take time to consider the motivation behind my words. If that means I remain silent or miss the opportunity to speak, so be it.
  • Wait a few seconds before I would normally respond to hear my ideas from the other person’s perspective.
  • Let some posts sit in drafts while I let my Copy Editor do His fine tuning.
  • Memorize Ephesians 4:29 so that I have an ever present reminder to consider the grace factor of my words and writing.

How do you balance authenticity and grace in your life and platforms?

What’s New With The Blog

~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

When I started this blog in September of 2012, I had every intention of writing a post explaining how I landed on the name Primitive Roads. I’ve touched on the primitive roads theme in posts here and there, but I’ve never actually recounted the time Tim and I veered off a paved highway an hour or so outside of Spokane onto a narrow dirt road that took us on a wild ride I wasn’t sure would leave our rental car unscathed. I’ll always wish I took a photo of the “Primitive Road Ahead” sign that was posted where pavement met dirt.

That primitive road experience stuck with me. Several months later when it seemed like my life was one upheaval after another, I couldn’t help but think of our adventure off the beaten track. I was about to leave friends and family behind to move to Northern Idaho so that my husband of four months could start a new ministry job. In other words, I had one foot on the pavement of a controlled and comfortable environment and one foot about to land in the dirt of change and uncertainty.

Thus, Primitive Roads began as a place to write about navigating those unpaved paths that inevitably show up in life. Even though 15 months of blogging has come and gone, I still resonate with the original primitive roads concept:

Being a Christ-follower doesn’t guarantee smooth sailing. Life is unpredictable and anything but paved. We desperately need God’s love and grace to navigate our unpaved paths successfully.

My primitive roads look a bit different now than they did 15 months ago. Tim and I have been married for over a year and a half so I feel a tad dishonest claiming to be a newlywed. I will always love Southern California but I actually like living in Northern Idaho now. We bought a house and are expecting our first child – a son – in 9 weeks! These are all good things, but certainly not easy to navigate. Lots of changes and lots of refining.

So it is with this blog – change and refining.

Emily C Gardner resize

The Change

The major change is more of a shift. The themes of Primitive Roads are the same, but the blog now has a new URL: emilycgardner {dot} com.

In an effort to simplify and give you less things to remember, the blog URL (my name) now matches all the other ways I like to communicate with you.

A major thank you to the oh so talented Gretchen Louise for making that all happen. If you or your blog is in need of techno savvy and unparalleled patience, she is your gal!

The Refining

Vulnerability and honesty have been goals in my personal life the past few years and I strive to make my writing reflect those goals as well. Even when I talk about books, food, or crafty things, I want to be authentic – the Emily C. Gardner you would meet in real life.

Though I do want to be transparent, I also want to represent my Savior with grace and humility. It’s important to me that writing authentically about my own experiences is an encouragement to others. My heart is that this blog would be a way to virtually do life WITH others, not a way to tell people how to do life.

I want to be the kind of writer who is awake to the realities of heaven but engaged in the realities of this world. I hoped I could invite people into realities they’ve never experienced, I hoped I could wake them up to a life they wanted to be living.

Allison Vesterfelt in Packing Light

I pray you find encouragement and rest (and maybe a good recipe or two!) around here!

 

When Transition Becomes a Tradition

~ Emily ~ Leave a comment

transition and tradition

I haven’t had a normal Christmas in a few years.

By normal, I mean waking up at my parent’s house, waking up my brother who I’ve convinced to stay the night at our parents’ place (mostly so I can wake him up at my leisure), opening stockings, having a special breakfast, distributing presents and opening them around the circle one at a time, hanging out with various members of the family, enjoying dinner, then reading one of my Christmas presents (because I invariably get at least one book) the rest of the evening.

The last Christmas I had like that was three years ago. Dating, marriage, and moving have all disturbed my normal when it comes to holiday traditions. Before that, college and loss created their own unique transitions. This year is no different. Baby James’ due date made flying to New York for Christmas (the plan before I became pregnant) a bit iffy. My parent’s travel schedule, which included Coeur d’Alene in November and then again in January, made it impractical for them to come out in December too. So, Tim and I will be spending this Christmas alone.

Alone. Initially that held all the bad connotation you might imagine. But the longer I sat with those plans as reality, the more I realized God had my best in mind.

You can read more about how transitions have permeated my holiday traditions over on Kindred Grace today. Bonus: the post includes the recipe for one of my favorite holiday foods!