Category: 31 Days of Letters

Dear Jackie: a letter to my husband’s ex-girlfriend

~ Emily ~ 6 Comments

 

Dear Jackie,

We’ve never met and, if it weren’t for my new last name, we probably would have completed our time on this side of eternity without crossing paths.  Though you may be completely unaware of my existence, I am poignantly aware of yours.

You see, we have a special man in common.  His name is Tim Gardner, your boyfriend from college.  He got married recently and I’m the lucky gal.  If you were so inclined to offer congratulations, let me stop you.  I cannot in good conscience accept any type of well-wishes from you without apologizing.

I developed a deep resentment towards you from the moment I heard about you.  Though our relationships with Tim turned out differently, I have let bitterness grow in my heart because of the mere fact that you shared a relationship at all.

Since I am now intimately acquainted with what it’s like to date Tim, my mind focuses on the elements of that relationship we must’ve had in common.  You had two years to kiss, to say “I love you”, and to talk about marriage.

Everything in me wants to begrudge you those kisses, those sweet nothings, those dreams, but I cannot knowingly resent you for acting on natural instinct.  God designed us for relationship.  My resentment is unwarranted albeit still powerful.

Tim was my first boyfriend and I was selfishly irritated that God didn’t allow me to have the same gift.  I laid the blame from what I thought was unfair mostly on you.  Not only did was I being unfair with my blame, I was also exhibiting a deeply off-base view of how God operates.

Hence, my need to apologize.  Jesus’ words about coming before God with a clean heart continue to nag my mind.

You’ve heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder,” and whoever murders will be in danger of judgement.  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement…Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  {Matthew 5:21-24}

I want to hang on tight to my envy and distaste.  I’ve used you as a scapegoat for my insecurities and fears.  I let my bitterness overshadow reality, blaming you for my own baggage.  None of this is useful or productive.  You don’t deserve my resentment.

I am sorry for disliking you for 16 months.  What precious time I have wasted in pursuit of nothing.  My heart aches for what could have been accomplished in both our marriages had I been praying for you instead of holding you in contempt.

Please forgive me my foolishness.

Sincerely,

Emily

      You can find all my letters here.

For more information about the 31 Day Challenge, visit The Nester.

Dear Jen Hatmaker {31 Days of Letters}

~ Emily ~ 5 Comments

Dear Jen Hatmaker,

You are many things that I am not.  You are a fierce Texan, mother of five, and published author many times over.  I, on the other hand, am a loyal Californian living in Idaho, hoping to get past my one year anniversary without a little Gardner on the way, and only in my dreams have a published book on the shelves at Barnes and Noble.

Differences aside, we could (and should) be friends.  Within the first few pages of 7, I realized we were cut out of the same cloth, which just so happens to be a burlap coffee sack.  By the time I finished – and by finished, I  mean laughed, commiserated, and gave a hearty Amen! – the first chapter, I was doubly convinced that we would get along.  Coffee, ahem.. caffeine, is a pretty strong agent for community, wouldn’t you say?

Your reflections from Day 19 proved that I was not alone in the world.  You may not have every jot and tittle of your books on immediate recall, so permit me to quote you:

I escaped narrowly by chewing gum like a quitting smoker.  I should tell you that every time I’ve been in Sprouts, I’ve put my nose directly on the glass cases of bulk coffee beans and inhaled like a deranged weirdo. I mean, deeply inhaled.  For at least ten seconds.  Nose to the glass.  The only possible way I could act more disturbing is if I ground up some beans, made a line with a razor blade, and snorted it in the middle of aisle 9.

My gosh.  I think I have a problem.  A friend asked if I was quitting coffee after this month was up.  I told her I’d considered renouncing coffee exactly zero times, and if she ever brought up such foolishness again, I was going to quit her.

Yeah.  I definitely have a problem.

{page 34 from 7: An Experimental Mutiny against Excess}

I laughed right out loud when I read that, clutching my steaming cup of morning joe a little tighter so as not to splatter the pages of 7 with upset coffee.  Though, coffee splatters would have made the book smell good… Visual aids promote help retention, right?  I digress…

Besides celebrating our shared coffee addiction (and hoping we can be friends), I wanted to thank you for writing 7.  Some people find it a bit gimmicky, and to that I say, so what?  The fact that you got paid to eat seven foods or wear seven items of clothing doesn’t diminish what the Holy Spirit did in you and what He will do in people like me who get to journey with you because you wrote the book.

I love how you describe a fast not as restriction for restriction sake, but as reductions and limitations to create more space for God to move, stretch, and transform.  This journey of yours isn’t about numbers.  It’s about becoming maleable, letting God mold you into something that looks more like Him.

Thank you for being candid and just downright hilarious in the process.  If you’re ever in Northern Idaho, lets get coffee!

Sincerely,

Emily

PS to readers:

I really would like to be friends with Jen Hatmaker.  In the meantime, I enjoy reading her blog posts and books; both of which you can check devour on her website.

And, please put 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess on your reading list!

Keep up with 31 Days of Letters.

Writing tomorrow’s left me emotionally spent…

Day one: Dear #217

Dear #217 {31 Days of Letters}

~ Emily ~ 8 Comments

Dear #217,

Of all the places we will ever live, you will always hold a special place in our hearts.  You, my dear apartment, get to be forever remembered as our “first place”.

Tim and I were professional house sitters after we got married, watching over the houses of family and friends before our big move.  We were quite grateful for the generosity of others during our time of transition, but after a few months, we were ready to have a place we could call our own.

As God would have it, you fell right across our path – in the best possible way, of course.  Tim and I had two days to find a place to live and there you were, meeting all of our apartment desires.  I know we originally signed up for your cousin, #223, but we are so happy things changed.

We appreciate the new paint and carpet and the new kitchen appliances are a plus, too!  I appreciate your proximity to the fire department.  That seems to be a trend everywhere I live and it has come in handy a few times.  We especially love that you are within walking distance from The Kroc Center – perfect for winter workouts when snow makes running outside a tad too chilly.

Even though the toilet your back bathroom runs incessantly and the occupants above you must walk around with lead shoes, Tim and I love to call you home. We’ve actually nicknamed you Timily Place – I hope that’s alright…

I hope this can be a symbiotic relationship.  We promise to spruce you up a bit, add some character, you know?  Would you promise to help us be hospitable to others?  Tim and I want to partner with you to offer relaxation, rejuvenation, and respite to others.  Are you game?  (PS – we like to play those. Have you heard of Fill or Bust?)

I anticipate your walls will absorb a fair amount of laughter, tears, joy, pain, prayers, conflict, love, tension, and excitement.  Our goal is to crowd you with Christ.  We want nothing more than to fill your nook and crannies with warmth and acceptance.

We don’t want you to harbor secrets or collect cobwebs.  We want to throw open windows and let light in and shine our Light out.  Please be patient with us in the process, dear #217.   I am already praying you can accommodate all of our weirdness… Will you be flexible as we adapt and grow in this new season of life?

Again, we appreciate that your walls create a space we can call our own.  Tim may not have carried me across your threshold, but we hold the matching gold keys to your door.   You have been a delight for the past month, #217.  Here’s to 11 more!

Sincerely,

Emily

31 Day Challenge

~ Emily ~ 9 Comments

I had no idea what people were talking about.  I kept seeing things on Twitter about 31 days, writing everyday in October, The Nester, etc.  I was a bit lost; but then again, I am kind of new to this blog thing…

It didn’t take much googling to figure out what all these bloggers were talking about. The Nester, whose tagline (It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful) I absolutely adore, writes every day during October.  She isn’t writing willy-nilly but focusing her posts on one topic.

The best part about it… she’s extending the challenge (er, opportunity) to everyone!

In a nutshell:

Basically anyone can join in, just pick a topic and write about it every day for the month of October–we all come here and link up on October 1st.

I liked the challenge and the idea of having added focus for my writing, so, as of yesterday, Primitive Roads is in the 31 Day Challenge pool.

My focus for the challenge is writing letters.  Sometimes, what I most want to articulate is best expressed on paper (in this case, a keyboard).

I had already been stewing on an emotionally charged letter I wanted to write to someone i’ve never even met (which will show up during the first week*.  Come back and check it out!), so I decided I would just continue the theme and post a letter a day here on Primitive Roads.

Everyone participating will be linking up tomorrow over on The Nester.  The pool of topics will definitely be worth exploring!

Day 1: Dear #217 – shall we be partners not enemies?

Day 2: Dear Jen Hatmaker – can we be friends?

*Day 3: Dear Jackie – a letter to my husband’s ex-girlfriend

Day 4: Dear Thomas Hammer – rhapsodizing over my favorite coffee shop

Day 5: Dear God – a plagiarized letter

Day 6: Dear Sarah Rose – a letter and apology to a dear friend

Day 7: Dear Cold Weather – a letter to the sudden Fall chill

Day 8: Dear J.A.G. – a letter for my future baby boy

Day 9: Dear Eustace – a letter to a reformed dragon

Day 10: Dear Southwest – a letter to my favorite airline

Day 11: Dear Tim – a letter to my husband on our 5-month anniversary

Day 12: Dear J – a letter to a modern day Joshua

Day 13: Dear Emily – a letter to about a lesson I’m still learning

Day 14: Dear Kenya – a letter without words

Day 15: Dear Weekend – a lament against Monday

Day 16: Dear Brother – a letter about new seasons in sibling relationships

Day 17: Dear Wedding Well-wishers – let’s brainstorm a better way to ask questions

Day 18: Dear Ash – a letter about my longest standing friendship

Day 19: Dear Gramma – a letter to honor a legacy

Day 20: Dear Jesus – a letter of surrender

Day 21: Dear Autumn – a letter of reflection

Day 22: Dear Browned Butter – a letter and recipe

Day 23: Dear Jane Austen – a letter to one of my favorite authors

Day 24: Dear Paul – a letter to the Apostle who gets me

Day 25: Dear Christmas – a letter in poem form

Day 26: Dear Older Women – a letter of encouragement

Day 27: Dear Legs – a request to keep going strong

Day 28: Dear PB – a letter to one of my favorite foods

Day 29: Dear AJG – a letter to my future baby girl

Day 30: Dear HS Gals – a letter for single ladies about waiting

Day 31: Dear Mr. Owl – a letter to my kitchen timer