Mom-guilt, self-care, and creativity. {Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing}

January 20, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

Happy Tuesday! Today’s guest is the über creative and talented Amanda Medlin. (Check out her beautiful home…) She shares about self-care, finding her way as a mother, and teaching your children to be creative. I loved her thoughts about being gentle and gracious with yourself as you grow into the person God created you to be.

Want to read about more women balancing motherhood and writing? Check out the Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing archives for 20 other interviews.

Why do you write/blog?

Writing helps me pay attention and really process what is going on in my life. I have journals filled with scribbled notes, scriptures, prayers, lists, quotes, struggles, and dreams. I have always been an avid reader, but I hated grammar in school, so English was not one of my favorite subjects. But when I went to college, I took a creative writing class and realized that writing was something that I really enjoyed and was actually good at.

Blogging gives me a space and an ongoing prompt to write. I enjoy it as a creative outlet and as a form of self-care. If I have time to myself, I prefer to use it crafting, reading, or writing. Sometimes I feel mommy-guilt for taking time to do these things, but I have to remember that this time actually makes me a better mom because I am a lot more fun to be around when I am taking care of myself and being the whole person that God created and called me to be.

How long have you been writing/blogging?

I started blogging over four years ago, right after my second son was born. My blog started out being about my journey to finding my own way as a mother, and over the years it has changed and evolved as I have written out whatever season I have found myself in.

How has your current season of life impacted your writing/blogging?

Funny you should ask. I actually just came back to blogging after an unplanned 10 month hiatus. In November 2013, I gave birth to my third child, posted once or twice after she was born, and then went silent. It was a season where I was busy taking care of my home and my family and didn’t make self-care a priority, which meant no blogging and not much reading or crafting or anything else. I think most moms go through a similar season after giving birth, but it always seems to last a bit longer for me. Thankfully I have learned to show myself grace.

I recently felt a shifting of seasons and a stirring of some passions and dreams that had been lying dormant, so now I am trying to find the balance of taking a little time for myself to write and be creative and pursue those dreams while still loving and serving my family as my number one passion and priority.

How has this season of life changed your writing habits?

This season is not an easy one to find the time to write. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 (ages 6, 4, and 1) and I homeschool, so I am with my kids all day, every day. Most of my writing takes place when my husband makes me leave the house for a few hours so that I can have a little time to myself. This usually happens once a week or so as our schedule allows. A lot of the other aspects of blogging, like editing posts, adding photos, blog maintenance, and social media usually take place at the kitchen counter, in between making dinner and folding laundry, with a napping baby on my back.

What is your writing/blogging battle cry?

Although my blog has evolved and changed over the years, I feel like the underlying theme has always been about my journey toward embracing the unique woman God created and called me to be, and I hope that my writing encourages other women to do the same.

How does faith, writing, and motherhood intersect in your daily life?

I think that one of the most effective ways that I can teach my children something is to model it for them. If I want them to be creative, they need to see me being creative. If I want them to be intentional, they need to see me being intentional. And if I want them to be faithful in all that the Father has called them to do, they need to see me being faithful to my callings as I use my talents and creativity and personality and voice for His glory.

Amanda Medlin is wife to Phillip and homeschooling mama to Jack, Aidan, and Kate. She is passionate about living with authenticity, intention, and grace. She is an old, creative soul who loves to read the classics, knit, sew, paint furniture, and is currently learning calligraphy. Most days you will find her at home with her little ones, reading aloud and leading messy art projects, while gently tending to the soil of their hearts. She writes about living at the intersection of faith, motherhood, and creativity at her blog Always Amanda.

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My favorite books of 2014

January 15, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 9 Comments

One of things on my 2015 Manifesto is to read more than I watch. Aside from last weekend when Tim and I watched an alarming amount of Frasier, I’ve been sticking to that guideline. The books on my to-read list are constantly elbowing each other for a better place in line, but I’d love to know what’s at the front of your reading list this year!

I’m in the middle of two books (Give Them Grace and Jesus Prom), so I don’t have much to report for January book reviews. In their stead, I give you a wrap-up of my reading habits and my favorites from 2014.

Books by the numbers:

29 books in total
16 non-fiction, 12 fiction
15 books by authors I hadn’t read before
4 by male authors
2 books abandoned
1 re-read (Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist – so good!)

Favorite books of 2014:

Katherine Reay is a standout author – my favorite from 2014. Dear Mr. Knightley is a rich and readable story with subtle spiritual themes. It is sure to get you busting out your college English syllabus and dropping your favorite Austen quips in everyday conversation. Mrs. Reay cleverly integrates classic literature into a nuanced plot that is both charming and poignant. Veins of social justice, faith, and romance add to the literature steeped narrative. It’s a must read.

Reay’s sophomore novel did not disappoint. Lizzy & Jane centers around a tense sibling relationship, complicated by cancer and career trouble. There’s love and food and grace in there too. I didn’t want it to end.

This one has a special place in my heart because I, too, was surprised by motherhood. Lisa-Jo documents her journey to motherhood in a heartwarming and poignant narrative that had me crying, laughing, and amening.

I’m actually still working my way through this book, but it deserves to be on the favorites list this year. Reading Pursue the Intentional Life is like reading Jean Fleming’s journal. She documents the importance of making our God-ordained years matter by sharing own journey, her own pursuit of an intentional life. Her words are both sobering and encouraging.

The Rosie Project is a fun read. Graeme Simsion’s narrative is told via Don, a genetics professor with Aspergers who doesn’t realize he’s on the autism spectrum. Don comes up with the Wife Project to help him find true love. The escapades that follow are off-beat and charming. There’s a reason so many people recommended this book last year.

Fun fashion advice combined with an encouraging and realistic look at the way a woman’s body changes during pregnancy and motherhood. I needed this fresh perspective on beauty! Read the longer review for more on my journey with motherhood and beauty. My interview with Trina has more insight on her writing process and her daily beauty routines.

Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good was a wonderful way to end my reading year. If you’ve never picked up a Mitford book, you’re missing out on engaging dialogue and lovable characters. Jan Karon has a way with words that makes everyday life seem interesting.

Tim and I read this aloud to each other on long drives. I don’t find myself in many meetings or reading business fiction very often, but I found Death by Meeting fascinating and applicable to family life (which I said I was going to write about and still intend to!). Patrick Lencioni crafts a leadership fable that illustrates his model for better meetings.

Honorable Mentions:

Can I Ask That? 8 Hard Questions About God and Faith by Jim Candy, Brad Griffin, and Kara Powell and A Modern Girls Guide to Bible Study by Jen Hatmaker.

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Priming the pump. {Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing}

January 13, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 4 Comments

You know how people have mentors they’ve never met? The kind that aren’t some agreed upon relationship where you get coffee every week, but mentor through example and words. Sometimes the mentor is even deceased. But you learn and grow by watching and listening and reading.

Trina Holden is a mentor like that for me. I admire the way Trina navigates marriage, motherhood, writing, beauty, food, and faith. She is a wonderful example of grace and hope.

Since I know you’ll love her, here’s another interview I did with her about one of her four books, Embracing Beauty.

Two more weeks of Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing! Don’t miss the other 18 perspectives in the archives.

Why do you write/blog?

I write because I can’t not. I spent many years in bondage to a debilitating anxiety disorder and then the Lord healed and freed me. Since then I’ve had a strong passion to encourage others to find freedom and the joy of a thriving life. A blog is an efficient way that I can do that while still keeping up with my other roles as wife and mother.

How long have you been writing/blogging?

I’ve been blogging since my first born was a baby–or, 8 years. But I’ve been writing since my mom gave me my first journal at 8.

How has your current season of life impacted your writing/blogging?

Currently I have 4 children, 3 I’m homeschooling, and one who is schooling me in the art of living through sleep deprivation–she’s almost a year and we go back and forth between days where I have no margin, and days where I might get an hour to write or blog (or maybe both!)

This season has forced me to shed all unnecessary obligations and expectations that I or the blogging world puts on my words, and prioritize writing the stuff I’m most passionate about. This means I break many blogging rules–I don’t engage in many of the traditional ways to connect and get my words to a broader audience. If I did that, I’d have no time to write, and I’m called to write. Sometimes I don’t even put a graphic in my posts (gasp!) but that is because the Lord keeps reminding me that I’m called to be a writer. So, motherhood has forced me to hone in on my passion and ditch everything that distracts.

How has this season of life changed your writing habits?

I would love to learn to write in the little moments I have throughout the day, to write amidst the hubbub that is four children living life and a husband who often works from home. Alas, that is a skill I have yet to develop. I’d love to follow the advice to have a set time and place to court the muse. I love formulas and schedules and checklists. Instead, my writing happens sporadically, when quiet and a charged laptop and a baby’s sleep schedule somehow align. When that happens, I can’t afford to waste it, so I’m learning strategies to make the most of surprise writing opportunities.

I’ve learned to sit down and just write–about anything. I call this priming the pump. I cannot often sit down and write my next post or book chapter on demand. Forcing myself to produce on a certain topic is a recipe for tears and frustration. As much as I wish one could, one cannot force art. So, I just let myself write what sounds like a journal entry–a brain dump, basically. Until a thought or an idea of something I want to share comes, then I switch tenses and begin to write outward–or for an audience. It’s not always on the topic that I have a post due on (sigh) but, at least I’m writing.

This sounds undisicplined and haphhazard, but those forced to write in stolen moments or not at all know how hard it is, and how worth the effort. Even with all the challenges to maintaining a writing habit in this season, I’ve still managed to write and publish my 4th book, and about 4 blog posts a month.

What is your writing/blogging battle cry?

My battle cry is freedom. I lived in bondage for so many years–not even knowing I was in chains to anxiety and fear of man and the lust for approval and acceptance. When freedom was finally offered to me, and I caught a taste of what life was like outside my prison, I ran toward the gates. I want to blog authentically and transparently so people can catch a glimpse of what God has done for me, and what He wants to do for all His children: set them free so they can thrive as who He created us to be, and thus bring Him glory.

Because learning to nourish my body well is a large part of what helps me to thrive, I also blog about real food. If I had a tagline, it might be “fuel for a thriving life…because we were made to thrive.” But I think that’s too long for a tagline. I’m still waiting for that to mature.

How does faith, writing, and motherhood intersect in your daily life?

It takes faith to trust that God will provide the grace to fulfill all He has called me to. I often think that if I was *just* a mom, or *just* a wife, or *just* a writer, I could totally handle it.
But John Piper recently reminded me, “If you are sufficient for your task it’s too small.” The passion to write while also fulfilling my roles as wife and mother has driven me to my knees time and again. It is not something I can do in my own strength, and I am grateful for how it’s drawn me closer to the only One who can sustain me.

I’m also grateful for the accountability that writing publicly has provided for this season. So often the topic I’m assigned to write about for one of the blogs I contribute to, or the post God puts on my heart that week ends up being an area my own heart needs encouragement. I write the words in a moment of clarity or victory, and the next moment I have to go back and read my own words and ask God to help learn and apply all over again. Many of the posts on my own blog function as altars of remembrance–keeping me from forgetting an important lesson or work He did in my heart.

Writing both drives and draws me closer to my Savior. It is a yoke only made light when I trust Him for the time to write and the fruit from my efforts.

Trina Holden is a modern-day gypsy, currently parked in Alabama where she and her husband run a business encouraging families to thrive through real food cookbooks, classes, and consulting. Together they homeschool their four children, drink gallons of raw milk, and dream of their next road trip. She is the author of 4 books and writes about freedom and other ingredients for a thriving life at trinaholden.com

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Seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. {Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing}

January 6, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 2 Comments

Happy January! We’re coming up on the last three post for the Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing series. I have so enjoyed compiling these and have gained much wisdom and encouragement from these ladies. Don’t miss the archives!

Today’s installment is from Katie of Cardigan Way. Her beautiful blog was hacked a few months ago and it’s not quite up and running again, but I do hope you visit her on a different form of social media. She has a lovely heart and two adorable babies!

Motherhood and Writing Katie

Why do you write/blog?

I blog because I began a journey of needing to understand and find God’s goodness around me. Psalm 27 echoes with confidence that we will “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” I hear people talk about God’s goodness and I just couldn’t concretely understand that phrase, especially in the midst of pain. The day that I penned my first blog post on Cardigan Way was the day after our second miscarriage after five years of wanting to add to our family. I had already experienced the gamut of anger, confusion, and bitterness and this verse from Psalms was pulling at me. At that point, I was longing for heaven. And YET, God was promising it here and now, on earth, “the land of the living.”

How long have you been writing/blogging?

I’ve been blogging at Cardigan Way for 2 years…but with the recent arrival of our adopted twins, I don’t know that I can call myself a very faithful blogger at the moment!

How has your current season of life impacted your writing/blogging?

I’m a new mom, an adoptive mom, and a mom to twins. When we adopted, I found myself experiencing emotions and having thoughts I’d never before even considered, one of the first of which is this profound way that becoming a mother causes you to simultaneously look forward and backward. I find myself sitting on that thought a lot, though I haven’t yet written much about it as I’m still trying to write through the journey of our adoption story.

How has this season of life changed your writing habits?

Can I just say that I thought I was busy? I was part of the administrative team at the school where I taught elementary students, working on my Master’s, fundraising for an adoption, in the adoptive process (which is at least a part time job!), and also a minister’s wife with lots of church things on my plate. I was blogging at least once a week with all of THAT going on. I even blogged while we were away adopting and waiting out a NICU stay and interstate clearances.

And then the babies came home.

My husband and I have six month old twins that we adopted at birth…with six days’ notice that we’d be bringing home two! We literally brought them home to a RUG. Launched immediately into the throes of new motherhood — with such little warning or time to prepare — was AMAZING. But imagine being pregnant for six days. I think I haven’t slept or produced a coherent sentence since we received “the call.”

All of that to say, I feel now that I owe it to my readers and myself to tell the story of our adoption in little snippets, so that’s my current, lofty blogging project. Because of these two tiny ones now in my life, I’ve gone from blogging at least once weekly to once a month…at best!

What is your writing/blogging battle cry?

I’ve spent two years looking for — and FINDING — God’s goodness around me and just trying to throw that out into the world. AND, this was all before the twins, before we knew where we were headed in adding to our family, not knowing even if we WOULD become parents. I found and wrote about goodness in all sorts of places: nature, secular books, even businesses that have used their platform to BE good.

And again, this is God’s goodness “in the land of the living” before the twins were a remote possibility, which I must clarify because I in NO WAY want to declare that God’s goodness hinged on a positive outcome in the particular journey of becoming parents. He’s good. You can see it everywhere. Period.

When I finish our adoption story (spoiler alert!!), I plan to come full circle to God’s goodness, the original intent of my writing at Cardigan Way. I’ve been sitting on some big thoughts regarding goodness in the midst of adding these two precious ones to our family…and I think it may be surprising. I’ve pretty much written that post already and just trying to fill in the gaps of our adoption story in the meantime.

How does faith, writing, and motherhood intersect in your daily life?

Most days, the extent of this intersection is to list my gifts (a la Ann Voskamp)… And that is perfect for me. In the space of a couple of lines in my notebook, I can record His grace in the midst of this season of new motherhood, I can trace the evidence of His goodness around me, and spend time thanking Him for the beauties and struggles that come with this new role.

Katie Eller is a new adoptive mama to six-month-old twins, a music pastor’s wife, and a graduate student. Essentially, she hasn’t slept since January. When Katie has a few extra moments, she is perfectly content with a great book, strong coffee, and rich conversation. She {intermittently, at the moment} blogs at Cardigan Way.

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My 2015 Manifesto

January 5, 2015 ~ Emily ~ 6 Comments

My 2015 Manifesto

The tree came down yesterday. James’ new toys are now corralled in baskets. What meager Christmas decor I put up is put away. I’m not too sad to have our home return to normal.

There’s a calm that comes from an expanse of carpet unfettered by pine needles and stuffed things. I tend to view New Years day as a time for my head and heart to be like my carpet – a wide open space, uncluttered and freshly vacuumed. I like the blank slate, the new beginning. But, fell behind this year.

The tasks lingering from our move and two weeks of holiday festivities hasn’t left me much mental energy or time to process, plan, and set goals for the new year, a task I eagerly await like it’s the first day of school. Thoughts, ideas, and dreams have gotten lost in the vestiges of Christmas and laundry piles. I could sense the panic rising as each day took me farther away from the new year and I hadn’t made one list, not one plan.

I felt out of breath when the race had just begun. Not the way I wanted to start my year.

In the midst of feeling burdened by my late start to making resolutions, I realized the source of my panic might not be the late start at all. Maybe it was the way my goals always became expectations and those expectations were always so high I could never meet them let alone fulfill them perfectly. Instead of remembering a year of progress, I remember the failure.

With this in mind, I have made 2015 the year of guidelines not goals. My 2015 Manifesto, as I’ve dubbed it, majors on grace not performance.

For example: Despite the fact that my circumstances were wildly different last year than 2013, I felt a twinge of disappointment and irritation that the number of books I read decreased. This year, instead of having a goal of reading a certain number of books, my guideline is to read more than I watch TV. I won’t feel guilty for an evening watching Frasier, and I will make headway on my ever growing to-read list.

Many aspects of my 2015 Manifesto function in that same way – gently guiding me to make wiser choices in the areas of my life I want to see grow this year. The Manifesto as been in effect one day and I’m already feeling lighter.

My 2015 Manifesto

I will give grace to myself and others and judge/compare less.

I will get outside everyday, even if it’s just a walk to the mailbox.

I will read more and watch less.

I will be present in real life more than I am present online.

I will rise early.

I will be generous with the resources God has given me.

I will fear God more and fear man less.

I will wear clothes that flatter my body, not my ideal body.

I will focus on the good, more than the struggles, in each stage of James’ development.

I will abandon things that don’t work, without guilt.

I will leave time for creative pursuits.

I will eat real food more and processed food less.

I will use our home to build community.

I will pursue physical health, not a number.

I will follow Christ.

Happy New Year, friends!