Sacred Homeownership: what if owning a home isn’t about living the American dream?

October 30, 2013 ~ Emily ~ Leave a comment

Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. Any purchase you make supports Primitive Roads (with no extra cost to you!)

On November 15th, Tim and I will have owned our home for six months. To say that homeownership has been a process would be an understatement. We’ve repainted four rooms but still have unpacked boxes upstairs and random pieces of furniture jigsawed into our living room. We’ve been utterly mesmerized by the lifespan of our enormous grapevine and the abundance of stray cats who enjoy our backyard. We’ve been toilet papered, forked, and Saran wrapped all at one time but got cookies and a freshly mowed lawn out of the deal. Overall, I love having a house, but it’s certainly been an adventure.

If you hadn’t guessed by the post title, I recently (and by recently I mean this Spring. Parts of this post were drafted before my pregnancy blogging hiatus.) finished reading my first book by Gary Thomas – the author behind Sacred Marriage, Sacred Parenting, Sacred Pathways, and Simply Sacred among others. His books focus on the idea that God uses the ordinary to shape our souls. After about a week, I could attest that homeownership is one of those ordinary things that God uses to make us look more like Him.

I woke up multiple times during that first week wondering what the heck we had done. Paying for laundry, putting up with blasting techno music and our neighbors garish holiday decorations began to seem like a paltry trade-off for endless cleaning and unpacking. The first time we ran our washing machine, the bathtub filled up with chunky, gray water. After all the dollar signs involved with buying a house, that couple hundred we paid to have a plumber deal with the roots that were apparently choking our pipes almost put me over the edge.

Our first month of homeownership confirmed that a key to a new house doesn’t unlock the American dream. Homeownership has, however, been part of the refining process of our relationship and level of responsibility.

I wasn’t at my best during those first few weeks (and some subsequent weeks after) of homeownership. For this perfectionist, unpacking was almost worse than packing. I was stressed and tired and, come to find out, newly pregnant. All of which necessitated a huge extra helping of grace. I am still learning to humbly accept my energy limits and welcome Tim’s gentle reminders that resting is important.

Not only did the physical tasks of setting up our home stretch and strengthen our relationship, so also did talking through the philosophy behind owning our home. Our desire was to have an open-handed approach to homeownership, knowing full well that this house was God’s gift, not a right. In that, we needed to discuss where our priorities were: how we wanted to use the house and how simply we wanted to live. Communication is something I admittedly struggle with, so those conversations didn’t come naturally but continue to refine who we are as a couple and who we are as followers of Christ.

Our newest sacred-maker is more practical. We are in the process of redoing the flooring in our entire house. The emerald green carpet is being replaced with a nice neutral and the vinyl is being upgraded to a wood finish. But those aesthetic improvements come with a price tag. Money is often a source of contention for couples and though Tim and I see eye-to-eye on most financial matters, forking over large sums of money generally stresses me out. We had to revamp our existing budget (hooray for money dates!) and commit to a more reserved lifestyle to factor in this expense over the next six months.

More communication. More teamwork.

All this communication and teamwork has been beneficial – not easy, but beneficial. We’ve learned about stewardship and maintaining a healthy relationship under stress. I didn’t necessarily sign up for homeownership with those two things in mind, but God has a way of using the ordinary for His purposes.

More sacred.

Can introverts and extroverts actually do life together?

October 25, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

{This post was prompted by a question in Bread and Wine discussion guide, part 2.}

After planning for an hour or so our conversation turned serious. Just a couple feet of table separated us but it felt a little like miles and miles sat between us. As she filled me in on some of the tough stuff that was happening in her life, I sat in silence. My hands rested around my empty coffee cup and I wished there was at least a drop so I could do something other than stare.

I was already formulating what I would say before her voice petered out. In situations like this, my friends are generally looking for advice, so I went about scripting my opinion. It was probably my lack of any response that prompted her to ask, “what do you think?” And the flood gates of my opinion opened on this hurting woman I had only known for a month or two.

My spouting sputtered out and an uncomfortable silence settled. In the batting of one of her long eyelashes she was back to business as usual, firming up the plans we had been discussing previous to her moment of vulnerability. As our meeting drew to a close, I couldn’t ignore that sinking, icky feeling developing in my gut, the sign you know you’ve messed up. I knew I had missed the mark with my response…

Since reading Shauna Niequist’s first book, Cold Tangerines, I have held her commitment to honesty and vulnerability in the mess of life in high esteem (okay, maybe idolized it a bit). I wanted to be a person who could be real with others and wasn’t afraid to slog through the mud with broken people, my own self included. In my efforts to do life with this new friend, even those messy bits, I hadn’t paused to consider who she was and what she actually needed. I wanted to approach the mess with a vacuum cleaner and make it disappear.

As an introvert, my natural tendency is to listen, observe, analyze, and make suggestions based on those three things. Because I don’t offer a multitude of words, I like to make the one’s I say count. I realized I had pushed my own agenda (in my advice) and my own strengths (in delivery) onto an extrovert who really just needed to verbally process. My mishap made me wonder if it was even possible for someone like me to do life properly with someone like her.

An apology and various discussions later, we are still doing life together. God is teaching me that being messy with people is just that, messy! As much as I’d like to, I can’t just cross “do life together” off my daily chores list. It’s a process, just like life is a process.

And you know what? Our differing personality types had little to do with my missing the mark (as much as I’d like to place the blame somewhere else…). I missed the mark because I wanted to stay comfortable. She was looking for someone to express love and give prayers, not someone to analyze the situation.

Doing life with people is less about compatibility and more about sacrifice and humility.

The mess becomes a beautiful mess when we are able to put our preferences aside, admit our weaknesses, and love others how they need to be loved.

PS – Shauna talks about her own mess-up in ministering to a friend in “Cupcake in The Oven.” (from Bread and Wine)

PPS – This girl and I are still friends and understand each other better and better as we do life together :)

Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports Primitive Roads (with no extra cost to you!)

If you missed them:

my times are in Your hands

October 22, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 3 Comments

It doesn’t get easier. Weeks have turned into months and I still worry. These monthly OB appointments sneak up on me and yet I’m always wishing one would come sooner so I can get the professional A-Ok. I worry about preterm labor, gaining too much weight, getting my blood drawn for that dang gestational diabetes test, and James’ overall health.

I often wish I could skip ahead 16 weeks, skip ahead to the part where the dreaded labor and delivery are behind us, where James is home, and Tim and I are jumping into life with a newborn. But then I begin worrying about colic and breast feeding and the mountain of things I don’t know about babies. It doesn’t get easier. I’m beginning to realize that parenting is one of those roles where causes for anxiety never stop. I look long term at James’ life and see endless opportunities for me to worry about his wellbeing, inside and out. All this worry and it doesn’t produce anything but more worry and unrest.

As a follower of Christ, I am familiar with biblical truths about worry. I know that tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34), that if God cares about the little things like lilies and sparrows, we should not worry about food or clothes because He will take care of us (Luke 12:22), that prayer and thanksgiving should replace worry (Philippians 4:6).

But when I’m in the midst of worrying, I need something to pull me out of, not warn me against, anxiety. After studying Psalm 31 on a recent retreat, I have found that something. David utters a simple truth that has become and almost daily mantra in the face of my worry – “my times are in your hands.”

My times, James’ times, my family’s times are all in God’s almighty hands. I can release my firm grip on every circumstance that causes me anxiety, even if it’s one finger at a time, because I trust in the Lord. He IS my God.

You better bet I will be repeating this to myself at my OB appointment today…

Shauna Niequist’s Chocolate Mousse

October 18, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 2 Comments

Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports Primitive Roads (with no extra cost to you!)

Sometimes good food photos just don’t happen. Despite the fact that I didn’t have time (or the lighting) to take pretty photos of this delicious dark chocolate mousse, the recipe needed to be shared.

Our Bread and Wine group/book club/study (not sure what to call it) met on Wednesday for another wonderful evening of fellowship around the table. I was in charge of the sweet ending to our Italian meal. My default desserts are generally heavy on the gluten, which doesn’t work for a couple of wheat intolerant gals, so I was going to go with sorbet to finish off the evening until I perused the recipe index of Shauna’s book.

I love meeting and eating around the (mismatched) table with these women!

Just the name, Simplest Dark Chocolate Mousse, had me convinced, then I looked up the recipe and was further convinced by the short ingredient list: dark chocolate, honey, and heavy whipping cream. Not only was this absolutely gluten-free, but it was easy too!

The honey offered a pleasant sweetness to the mousse but didn’t compete with the intense chocolate flavor. If you weren’t a huge dark chocolate fan, milk chocolate would certainly work.

A dollop of freshly whipped cream is the perfect foil for such a rich dessert. I waited until just before serving to add big clouds of lightly sweetened whipped cream to the tops of the mousse. The chilled mousse has a fudge-like consistency. If you wanted a lighter texture, take the mousse out of the refrigerator 30 minutes before serving.

I doubled the recipe to feed our 10 person group and had one serving left over to feed my hubby after youth group. Shauna suggests putting the mousse in juice glasses, but I don’t have 10 of any type of glass except for mugs and tea cups. So, I opted to serve the mousse in my pretty tea cups.

My baking sheet isn’t the prettiest background but worked well to corral all of these tea cups in the fridge.

Simplest Dark Chocolate Mousse

adapted from Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist

1 quart chilled heavy cream, divided
2 (12 oz) bags dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup honey

In a saucepan over low heat, stir together 1 1/2 cups cream, chocolate chips, and honey until melted and smooth. Set aside to cool.

While the chocolate mixture is cooling, beat 1 1/2 cups cream to soft peaks in the bowl of an electric mixer. Fold cream into chocolate mixture in two additions.

Divide mousse among 12 glasses or ramekins (or teacups!). Refrigerate until set, about two hours.

Before serving, beat the remaining cream to firm peaks. (I always add some vanilla and powdered sugar to the cream intended for whipped cream). Spoon whipped cream on top of each mousse.

Serve plain or with berries.

Yield: 12 servings

//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

My People plus Bread and Wine Discussion Guide for Part One

October 16, 2013 ~ Emily ~ 2 Comments

My trip to New York last week was more than just a week with family (which was wonderful). It was a time to be with my people, as Shauna Niequist would call them. The Ideals, my Bible study group from when I lived in California, decided to have a Fall retreat at my parent’s place and there was no way I was going to pass up the chance to a. go to New York again and b. spend time with some of my favorite women! It was refreshing to laugh, study Psalm 31, and do autumnal things together, even if it was just for a few days.

I’ve never been one to have a large group of friends, just a few really tight ones. Maybe that’s why I really resonate with Shauna when she talks about “her people” in Bread and Wine. They are the close ones. They are in the muck and mire of your messy life – cheering, crying, correcting.

Since I like consistency, I struggle with the fact that some friendships are seasonal. Not seasonal in a flaky way, but seasonal because life circumstances change. Aside from my one life-long friend, I met my first people in college. Kayla, K, Nat, Brit – these women did life with me in a very formational time. One of the worst parts of graduating and moving back to California (I attended William Jewell College) was knowing they wouldn’t be daily part of my life. Even though I keep in sporadic contact with them, I know God gifted them to me for a specific season.

Getting older doesn’t make the seasons in friendship easier. I’m thankful that despite another geographic gap, my California people are still my people from afar. I could call (most likely text since I hate talking on the phone), or email them for any reason and I know they’d be there with prayers, ears, and a virtual hug. However, it’s important to be known where you are, too. Finding your people isn’t easy. And it takes time. I fee like I’m in the in between, loving and missing my people (who will always be my people) and in praying for people in the present.

Here’s an expanded discussion guide for Part One of Bread and Wine. (Read the original post if you were wondering why the heck I’m writing a discussion guide for this book).

PS: Shauna talks a ton about her people, especially in What The Table is For.

Digging Deeper into Bread & Wine – Part 1

And, in case you missed it: Digging Deeper into Bread and Wine- Introduction

Happy chatting!

Who are your people? Have the seasons of your life influenced who your people are?

Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports Primitive Roads (with no extra cost to you!)